Reply to I'm going to fly across the country and try to get my long-distance ex boyfriend back AMA

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Reply to "I'm going to fly across the country and try to get my long-distance ex boyfriend back AMA"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m 47 and you sound exactly like me, 20 years ago. [b]I would precipitate breakups with my clingy behavior (similar to how you freaked out on him over his pneumonia...) and then I would romanticize the situation and try to get the guy back. [/b]It never worked. I did lose my dignity, however.

You said yourself he broke up with you unilaterally and has blocked you. Instead of trying to get him back, I think the best course of action here would be to send him (by mail, if necessary) a short but heartfelt apology for your actions that resulted in the breakup. Wish him well. Expect nothing in return. If he responds, then you have hope.[/quote]

exactly. many of us are familiar with this dynamic. the key, OP, is that you deluded yourself into thinking that it was your fault for the break up, so now it's up to you to win him back. but, while your behavior did play an important role, the problem was that there was an investment differential - you cared much more, you were freaking out for not being able to see him, and he wasn't. that turned him off, and he broke it off (and blocked you!). [i]he didn't break up with you because you were rude to him[/i]. therefore, being super nice is not going to help you. he broke up with you because he didn't like you as much as you thought probably because he was turned off by your clinginess and neediness.

you contacting him in any form reinforces the dynamic in which YOU CAN MUCH MORE THAN HE DOES. men don't like this, actually, no one does. if you want to have any chance at getting him back (a chance which is very small, which you should understand) you need to show him that you are not needy and desperate and that you don't care all that much, or more than he does. this is a precondition for him to entertain the possibility at all.

do not contact him or ask to meet him. i can guarantee you, if you send him a message through on of the remaining channels, he will simply block you there. you will be humiliated and will set yourself back while accomplishing less than zero.[/quote]

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