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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op I am confused as to why you are saying this is a "new revelation" and that "we" need to figure out how to proceed. It's not new to anybody but you and the 2 year old.

As to how YOU deal worh it, I think you have gotten good advice to not take it out on the half-sister and to explain it to the kids honestly in age appropriate ways as time progresses.

I also think that the advice to get counseling yourself, and with your husband if you decide to stay with him,  is NOT a separate issue. As your kids get older it will impact them a lot whether their model for a marriage is their father shitting all over their mother and her just taking it--or a father who made a huge mistake but seriously atoned for it and worked things out honestly with his wife--or a father who broke up his marriage and a mother who had respect for herself and left. [/quote]

I was a pp that previously posted some of what the pp above is saying.  At age 4, your son already knows, and chances are his dad answered his questions en route or when they were returning home from the OW's place.  Your two year old is too young to understand any of this and only needs the simplest of explanations right now.  "Larla is your sister; Daddy knew her mommy before you were born."  And maybe, " She lives with her mommy and you live with your mommy."  That's it.  She won't ask more because her brain isn't developed enough yet to do all the math and figure out all the connections, logistics, maneuvers and morality issues and won't be for a long time.  And the same goes for your son.

I don't understand why you are so stressed over explaining this to your kids *right now,* except for having to introduce your DD to her sibling.  Your feelings will calm down more over time and your thinking will evolve.  You may not want to answer it by then as you may think now, so you really don't need to come up with all the answers *right now.*  Are you obssessing over this so you don't have to deal with something else you're trying to ignore?  Give that some thought.  Counseling will help.[/quote]

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