Reply to what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?

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Reply to "what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]YOU have no idea what you're talking about, nor do you know the players.  First, I said nothing speculative about anyone's primary motivations!  [b]But the anecdote shows someone in a terrible situation being kind, correct?  [/b]

The Thai woman - if she's human, is it not reasonable to wonder how she felt giving up her daughter?

Since you want to posit without having the ovaries to just SAY it, that the Thai woman is a monster who didn't care about the daughter anyway (which one cannot know), please get some therapeutic help.  And learn to focus your obvious anger on the man (men?) who hurt you.  [/quote]

You don't understand what I am trying to say.  You think the wife is being kind.  What I'm telling you is that her actions may have the effect of kindness toward the other child.  But that's not what drives her.  What drives her is the good of her marriage and family.  The child, independently of her marriage and family, is simply not a factor to her. She isn't doing what she's doing "for the good of the child."  She concluded, based on her own reasons, that her marriage and family has the highest chance of surviving if the child is integrated vs. left behind.  That's why she acts the way she acts.

I don't think women who give up their children are monsters, women give up their kids for adoption or leave custody to fathers every day around the world.  Not all women have the primordial desire to rear their own. 
[/quote]

How could you possibly know that? If I were in this situation my primary motivation would be the innocent child that chose none of this. I think it says something about you that you literally cannot comprehend two adults choosing to put the well being of a child before their own. I would certainly hate to have you as a step parent that's for sure.[/quote]

No one can know anything about this situation, we can only theorize. Your theory is as good as mine. I don't want any stepchildren so we are aligned on that account.

It's not that I can't comprehend it, it's that I don't think it's natural or common.  If I were in this situation, my primary motivation would be MY innocent children who didn't choose any of this either.  And the wife is also innocent.  So these two innocents come first, and everyone else should get in line.  As for me, I would not put the wellbeing of someone else's child before my children's or my own.  My children come first because that's my job, I come next because my children need me, everyone else gets in line and gets whatever is left.

I also think that you would not put the wellbeing of someone else's child before your own if the cost of this was the ruination of your family or damage to your own children. You are just saying this because you never faced that choice.  [/quote]

I am a child of an acrimonious divorce. So I do have some idea what would motivate me in a situation like this. I agree that I would probably not put my own child's well being in danger but I think it would take a lot to make me believe that bringing more love and family into my own child's live would constitute 'danger'. All of this presupposes that I would work it out with my husband, which I'm not sure I would. But I would, without a shadow of a doubt, show nothing but kindness and compassion and welcome to a child who came into the situation through no fault of their own. And that would, in the end, be what was best for my own child as well. Maybe that manifests when the child visits us, maybe that is for when I see the child at family events I attend post divorce, or maybe it is when I have the child move into the house permanently when my theoretical husband and I work it out. Regardless, my heart is open to an innocent child, regardless of how closed it is to the child's biological parents.

You basically admit in your post here that you believe it isn't natural because it isn't what YOU would do. I am fully aware that people like you exist and it would not surprise me at all to hear about a woman who treated a child born in these circumstances like dirt. It would make me sad but it wouldn't shock me and I wouldn't find it unbelievable. The fact that you can only see your own natural inclinations as 'natural' says more about you than anyone else commenting on this thread. The fact that you don't add this other child to your list of 'innocents' says a lot about you too. [/quote]

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