Reply to How do you deal with the humiliation of labor?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I haven’t read through all the responses, but I did feel totally humiliated. So much so that I started crying and the doctor asked me if I was in too much pain, but it was really because I was so humiliated from being naked, pooping, just the whole thing.[/quote]

+1 I didn't cry but I did feel humiliated. [/quote]

??? You two need to let go of ridiculous social mores. They do not apply to the greatest moments in life.[/quote]

People are built differently. I felt the way I felt. You telling me I was wrong for feeling that way doesn't change anything. [/quote]

Np.

I think this has far more to do with “raised a different way / indoctrinated with different beliefs about women”
 than just “built differently.”[/quote]

Listen, I get what you're saying, but you're being annoying. Brand new DP here, mother of three and radical leftist feminist at that. There is a dichotomy to birth. It is somehow the most humanizing and the most dehumanizing experience at the same time. You are going through this profound thing and everyone is there to support you but at the same time many of them are kind of looking right through you. And looking right through you at this moment where you are feeling so incredibly vulnerable and exposed.

I too was worried about this and for the most part I agree with others that by the time the day comes the events kind of sweep you along and it is a non issue, but I think we could do a lot better at being respectful of the mother's feelings as well. I, for example, was absolutely a basket case about the idea of a catheter. I don't know why but I was, the whole concept of it plagued me for the whole nine months. And when they were going to put it in, my mother, who is a doctor, was acting like I was a nutcase wanting everyone to leave the room. She had to be like forced out! And you know, it turns out it really WAS kind of a nonevent, but I still felt that, and on a day where my whole physical being was being subjected to new and unknown trauma, having these human moments of embarrassment and fear be overlooked and brushed under the rug was just another straw on the dehumanizing camel's back.

For me, the whole baby having experience was basically horrific. I had to go through multiple rounds of clomid at an RE (unsuccessful) to finally get pregnant only to promptly throw up for nine months and then I almost died. I have three kids and basically all of them kind of followed this trend to varying degrees of severity. Hospital stays, catching my pee in containers, giving blood every other day, examinations, ultrasounds galore of all varieties. Painting iodine on you, watching OBs literally lean on my stomach to push the baby out via c section. Being unable to poop afterwards and trying to manually loosen things up while recovering from abdominal surgery crying in my bathroom. Crying and lying on the floor after puking up everything I put in my mouth for three months. The whole thing IS IN FACT humiliating. It is also beautiful and life changing. It is the good the bad and the ugly. With the highest highs and lowest lows. Acting like seeing it for all that it is is just a symptom of misogyny is the real misogyny IMO. There was nothing about pregnancy that was the 'greatest moment of my life'. My children are the greatest thing I have ever done, and I am so proud of them and myself for not just creating but raising them, but pregnancy and birth were things I survived and endured and nothing more.

I think of this more like how marathoners' nipples start bleeding at mile 23 and losing toenails. It is unpleasant, but people still want to run them and sign up to do more because the totality of the experience is more than the ugly and embarrassing moments you have to endure to get to the end.[/quote]

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