Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d say anyone who makes the claim that they stay home because they didn’t want someone to raise their kids wasn’t really cut out to advance in a career.  They believe they can’t manage others to do what they want and they have to do everything themselves for it to be effective.  This mentality is effective early in careers, but management is selected from the group who can trust their team, lead, and delegate.  Someone who believes their lack of presence means they aren’t doing something are too insecure to be a good manager.  So perhaps their DIY skills and micromanaging approach are better applied managing a household.

We’ve focused our energy to hiring good help and putting our children in high quality centers.  We’ve quickly made adjustments when things aren’t working and we trust the people/orgs we’ve vetted and hired until we have a reason not to.

I also think people who find either child rearing or maintaining employment the most challenging are the most likely to pick one or the other.  Some people just don’t find it that hard to raise kids while working.  It can certainly be hard at times, but from what I’ve observed there are certain types of people who are incredibly challenged and some aren’t challenged at all.  And many people along the spectrum in between.
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This is simplistic and incorrect.

It ignores the fact that some people (PR bavly the majority of SAHPs actually) stay home with kids because they want to, not be abuse or is the only way to ensure a certain quality of care. They want the experience of being with their children instead of paying someone else to get that experience.

Also even among SAHPs who stay home to ensure a certain quality of care, the issue is not an inability to manage a childcare worker but financial or an opportunity issue-- they may believe it even know if childcare they believe is high quality, but they can't afford it or don't have access to it.

As someone who SAHMed for 3 years between stints in management, I also find your premise deeply flawed. I am a capable person who is good at problem solving, delegating, prioritizing, and communication. These skills have served me well as a manager but they were also very useful as a SAHM. I used to joke that my kid was nowhere near the most difficult client I'd ever had-- I spent years managing colleagues and internal and external clients who were emotional, petty, immature, and highly demanding. My DD was easy in comparison and bonus: in liked her company better.

Since returning to work I have found that I've carried certain lessons with me from my years as a SAHM, largely around using empathy and listening as tools to build trust.

I think people who have never been primary caregivers for someone totally helpless often don't actually understand what it's like or what tools are required. Much of the criticism of SAHMs on this thread simply reflect ignorance.[/quote]

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