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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There's a lot of life between high-powered McLean, Va and being a working class rube in flyover country. Maybe they do like their region, which is fine, and they could stay and become a teacher, accountant, politician, lawyer, doctor. But there aren't any unskilled jobs for uneducated Gen Ys.

[b]Nobody wants to be trapped in a suffering region, struggling to pay for basic necessities, and seeing their kids turn into losers. Don't romanticize that way of life. It f-cking sucks which is why substance abuse and spousal violence are so prevalent[/b].[/quote]
+1. I don't read the OP as looking down upon her nieces/nephews headed toward a path of working class people in flyover country. I read OP as criticizing her family members for not taking her advice on how to at least put their kids on a path toward becoming a police officer, accountant, teacher, auto mechanic in their flyover town.

OP is criticizing and judging her family for not even doing the basics for their children (looking into their grades, following up with "do you have homework tonight" - you know, the basics!). Good for her for not wanting them to be uneducated, unskilled people in a town with no industry and no future. She is not criticizing them because they are "only" putting their kids on a path towards a respectable, middle class career. From the sounds of it, those parents aren't even doing that! They just expect a respectable, middle class career to magically happen to their kids without understanding what it takes to get it to happen. She tells them and they continue not to listen and go down a bad path.

[b]Everyone who is saying she is awful - imagine you had family who lived in a dying town with absolutely no jobs/no future for the young people.[/b] The parents (let's say they are your siblings) say to you they want their children (your nieces and nephews) to have good jobs and a nice middle-class lifestyle (which is a step up from their current lifestyle. Let's imagine they live in a run-down trailer park).  You - having escaped that town and are now a teacher in Frederick MD - give advice. Simple things like make sure they do their homework, talk to their teachers, make sure they get good grades, take the SATs so they can go to a community college or a state college. Or if they aren't headed toward college make sure they go to a trade school. The parents do none of that. They never ask their kid if they have homework, they never tell their kid to start thinking about trade school, community college or college. Without parental guidance, their kid will just end up working in the dying town's lone gas station if they are lucky. And the parents continue to say "boy, I want Johnnie to have the type of life you have". You would be okay with that? You would really think "but gee, they are so happy working at the gas station and living in a run-down trailer!" Come on, after awhile you would get tired of their complaints and start judging them too.[/quote]

Yes, I tend to think that the people who are blasting the OP do not have any family or friends who live in this kind of environment. I have several cousins in this situation, and it is depressing to think about the prospects for their kids. I don't see them regularly, and I'm very friendly when we do see each other, and I usually just talk about superficial stuff and keep things light.  But it's like we live in two different worlds. Foreclosures, skirmishes with the law, and teen pregnancies for their kids all seem to be par for the course.  Their parents (my aunts and uncles) didn't place a strong emphasis on education, but the manufacturing jobs and other well paying blue-collar options that existed a generation ago are gone, so without a college degree or a skilled trade these cousins have struggled.  And yet, they seem to be doing nothing to encourage their kids to do better, so instead of rising up the social ladder they are going backwards.  The kids are dressed well and are cute, but the parents are more interested in going out drinking with friends than reading their kids a book or taking them somewhere educational.  So yeah, internally, I judge.  I'm not proud of it, because I know i'm not perfect, but from the outside it looks like they are failing, and their kids will suffer for it. Sometimes it feels similar to watching addicts spiral towards rock bottom.

I don't say anything to them, or give advice, because they're adults and they've made their own choices. So that's where I differ from the OP. I see nothing to gain from a conversation about 'the right path' beyond wasted breath and potentially hurt feelings. If this were a sibling, though, it would be harder to stand by and watch. [/quote]

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