Reply to Mother refused to order take out unless I called in the order

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Mother refused to order take out unless I called in the order"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP and the majority of pps on this thread are self centered, entitled brats. You are the abusers and whiners beyond precedent. You have no perspective on life and value of family. You have never given a single thought about anybody else but yourself. You confuse random disagreement with abuse, you mistake occasional family fight with war. You have never shown respect to anybody but demand it for yourself. For the first time I agree with the poster who uses the term precious snowflake.  You are all snotty snowflakes, drifting around thinking about imagined slights and abuses. You use poor language and have no real life education and experience. You value one thing and one thing only, yourselves.[/quote]

You sound like you are really mad at someone in your life for not doing exactly what you want, PP.

I'm one of the "brat" PP's and I was never ever allowed to fight or be angry with my mother or my family. I had to do what I was told and not ever talk back, and I did--until I moved out in my 20s.  I made all A's as I was told to do, I did not date, I did not do drugs, I did not get pregnant, I wore the clothes I was told to wear, I did my hair the way they wanted me to, I said what they wanted me to say when they told me to say it. I went to the college they told me to go to. (And, yes, I am a white American, no different cultures here.) Once I graduated and my parents were no longer footing the bill, I immediately got a job, left home and proceeded to live life exactly the way I wanted to-which made my parents furious.

I am happily married for 20+ years, have a graduate degree, have friends, have a successful career, have been self-supporting since I was 22, and earn enough to live in the DC area. However, I am told I am ungrateful and unsuccessful by my family still--even after helping my parents through medical crisis after medical crisis. [/quote]

And this is same with ordering take out disagreement--how?[/quote]

It's been explained in this thread more than once.[/quote]

So let me get the offenses of your parents. You were not allowed to fight with your parents? Clearly you could be angry at them, but inside, since they can't forbid inner feelings? You did what you were told, such as wear decent clothes, not get pregnant, and do your hair a certain way? They paid for your clothes, right? You went to college they told you to? It sounds like they paid for college? So apart from being strict in clothing and rude language and not allowing you to get pregnant, what other abuses are we looking at? Now, as an adult you say they are unhappy with your choices, and you contradict yourself by saying that you no longer take their abuses, in fact you are allowing them these "abuses" and helping them?  And I am not the one doing what I want?  You really need to reread your own post.[/quote]

I have --I did not state things as clearly as I thought. You can try to be "the perfect" child, but you can never be perfect enough.

I pointed out that I did absolutely everything my parents told me to do, to please them. And, I did not cause problems or create a crisis for them to clean up (which was really my unclear point about pregnancy)--I did not take drugs to rebel, I did not get pregnant to rebel, etc... I dressed exactly as they wanted, I did exactly as they wanted because I wanted love-- and the fussing and yelling and insisting were more than I could bear. And, yes, they insisted on things somewhat like the original PP was talking about--things as stupid and minor as just ordering take out for them because your parent insists that YOU and absolutely YOU are the only person who can order this takeout. And you have to order it when they want it and how they want it.

My point was/is: my parents assumed they had complete and total control of me through the rest of their lives, because they gave birth to me. No amount of good behaviour or agreeing with them was good enough, unless I did exactly what they said til they died. I had to vote for who they wanted in office (or they threatened not to speak to me ever again), I "had to" live at home until I got married (or they threatened not to speak to me ever again), I "had to" marry someone they approved of (or they threatened not to speak to me ever again), and so on and so on. This is not normal parenting, not in the US.

Not only could I not fight or voice opinions different from my parents--I had to do it for so long that by the time I was a teenager, I no longer had any opinions of my own. My feelings had to match theirs, from birth.  I have been in therapy for years with severe panic and anxiety problems--believe or not, if you never learn how to be angry as a child, or have your own opinions, it has serious ramifications. I am an adult doing what I want now: married the man I wanted to marry, live where I want to live, and have a successful career. I only see my parents a couple times a year, and try to help them with their health problems because I do love them--and I want to use what I have learned to spread love and caring into the world, not control and hate and misery. They are miserable visits for me, but I get over it and go on. It won't last forever.

The only reason I have posted is I have been really disturbed that so many people are attacking OP for venting about her interaction with her mom, and I want to let you know that it's potentially not just this one small interaction, it's a lifetime of control. As OP hints at in her post. [/quote]

I apologize if I misunderstood your post.  When you write it like this, it is clear your parents caused great damage to you and your self esteem and I hope you are now at peace realizing that it is them who have the problem and not you.  Best of luck! Unlike your parents, I hope you see that I(and many other people) can admit when we are wrong and apologize.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics