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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]think there are two sides of every story. Yes, I agree that those could be controlling behaviors, but depending on how they are enforced, controlling doesn't have to mean abusing. Disagreements about clothing, hair style, opinions have always been a trademark of generation gap and teens voicing their opinions is a trademark of growing up and showing independance. I tell my kids what to wear and they sure disagree with me and sometimes I enforce my decision, sometimes I agree with their choice. PP didn't actually present any real abuse, often parents are right about bad clothing and hair choices. What I find very disturbing is pp's presenting her case of her parents not allowing her to get pregnant as abuse. I mean, how is that possibly wrong of her parents? Should they encourage her to get pregnant as a teen?[/quote]

I took the not getting pregnant part to show that she was a "good girl" rather than an example of abuse from her parents. As in, she followed their orders and they heaped on more. She didn't get pregnant, and they didn't allow her to date anyway. She didn't date, but they still enforced conservative clothing choices. She followed their clothing rules and they insisted on certain hair choices on top of controlling her clothes. She followed all those rules and they insisted she do it without complaining. So she didn't complain, and when she got out from under their thumb, she realized there were other options for her in the great big world. When she stopped doing exactly what they demanded of her adult self, they called her ungreatful and other names, because she stopped being compliant and bowing down to their wishes.

I totally didn't read that as, "boohoo, my parents wouldn't let me be a teen mom. They're so abusive." Funny how we read the same thing and came to such different conclusions. :)[/quote]

You are right.  We got two totally different things from pp's post.  I don't know which one is right. It might be that I am older and you are younger and there is a different perspective on how parents acted in different decades and what I am used to as opposed to what other people are used to. Might be cultural differences. I never objected to similar rules by my parents, they were the norm for not just me, but all my friends.  Doesn't mean we didn't object to other things and went out to party, etc. I have a friend who never opposed her parents in anything, she is still living at home in her 40s taking care of her parents. There comes a time when we realize that our parents are regular people who tried their best, but are not perfect and they made mistakes.  Then we decide if we can accept those mistakes and how grave they were, and then we hope our own children will be able to do the same, since all this judgement is coming our way someday very soon.[/quote]

In the account you're discussing now, it's not just about parents who made mistakes while their kids were growing up, were too strict or whatever, we're talking about parents who continue to engage in a battle to control their child by insulting and demeaning her solely because she's not living her life in exactly their preferred way, even though it sounds like PP is doing just fine. It's one thing to forgive a parent who did these things while you were growing up and later came to a realization that it wasn't a good way to treat their child and everyone comes to have a healthy relationship later (which is what's happened between me and my mother, who was extremely controlling through my 20s but has since come around), it's something entirely different when the only options with your parents are total submission or verbal abuse. There is nothing healthy about not setting boundaries with the latter.[/quote]

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