Reply to Wife having mid-life crisis and not sure how to respond

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
What could your husband have done before the affair to keep you from having one?  Serious question.  I am one of those who understand the long road of monogamy and it isn't easy, so I am not being judgmental, just genuinely curious.[/quote]

The things I'd change are the things I could have done differently, starting right from the beginning of the relationship.  The problem, really, was my response to his needs, and my letting his needs take precedence over my needs. That is wearing, and I have never been honest enough about what I wanted and I sure as hell am not now. I have kids and a husband and my needs take a back seat. Like, third row back seat. Until I finally become selfish and had an affair and got needs met. Not the way I should have. But, met.

So, really, my husband could have noticed more that I wasn't being honest about what I wanted. (That's asking a lot, I know) Or when I was being honest he could have not come back with reasons why I was wrong. When he did that, I'd drop it. I'm still not blaming him, I was part of that dynamic, but that cycle that we have was unhealthy for me. I need to stand up for my own wants/needs.

So, I suppose the real answer is nothing he could have done.

[/quote]

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