Reply to Ever know a couple where the DH filed for divorce because the wife would not go back to work?

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Reply to "Ever know a couple where the DH filed for divorce because the wife would not go back to work?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know a lot of people like to rag on SAHM's with kids in school and call them lazy.

But I don't think it's that. I think that it's really scary and intimidating to think about rejoining a workforce after you've been left behind. They know that if they were to get work, it would be difficult and they'd be on the bottom of the ladder. They would go from being independent and calling the shots in their daily lives to taking orders, likely from someone even younger than themselves.

I wish people were more compassionate on all sides about our societal dysfunction around the handling of raising kids in the midst of figuring out a livelihood.

[/quote]

Scary and intimidating, plus they dread the discussions with their husbands about what, in concrete terms, the husband will be required to pick up in terms of household/children work if the wife is going to go back. They dread those marital discussions, and their husbands are often quite resistant to providing support. Sometimes the men think extra income would be nice but they sure don't want to change their schedule to accommodate their wives' work.  In that case, I'd stay AH too.[/quote]

This is why I'm staying home. We recently moved to a new city and I got two job offers to go back to work (sales) after 9 years being out of the industry. One from my old boss and one from a vendor that I used to do business with ~ both would mean working from home. It would mean that the kids (3, all elementary school with the youngest in K) would have to go to aftercare and camp all summer. It would mean that instead of being out in my new community playing golf, running with new friends, etc, I would be tied down to my home office. That would impact us socially as I am the one who generally meets people and sets up dinners/etc, especially important now that we are in a new town (and my husband works from home and travels, so his work doesn't provide any social outlet). My work would require some travel, which would be tough in our childcare situation and with a husband who travels. It would mean that in a new town far from home without any family help or real babysitter help yet we would have to navigate a lot of childcare issues. It would mean no two week-go-home-to-visit family trip next summer, that our coming up week long vacation in October and the time off I would want over the holidays would probably eat up all of my vacation……we are also planning a spring break trip and lots of long weekend ski trips, they would be out because I went back to work. We had a frank conversation about it and yes ~ the tradeoffs just aren't worth the difference to us. While I would be making 6 figures, my husband is a high earner and I have a trust fund and we are annually gifted $56K from my parents (cash) as part of their estate planning. Simply put, why disrupt a really peaceful family life for me to go earn money that we don't need? Why take my kids summers of swim team and jr golf and carefree living away from them and shove myself (alone) in my home office 40 hours a week? It just seems like it would be about my ego, and would disrupt everyones lives. Frankly I'm happy to go to the gym and decorate the house and volunteer 12 hours a week, teach some fitness classes and make big dinners for our family. Maybe it isn't for everyone, and I completely respect that, but for us? It isn't worth me going back to a full time career. I like the way that things are, and so does my husband. My being home has allowed him to advance more quickly in his career. He's now at a point where we can frequently play golf in the afternoons, or go to the gym together, or go mountain biking. Were I to start my career over, I would be putting in long hours to build my business back up. He's just at a point (at 41) where he is able to work less. [/quote]

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