Reply to S/o SAHMs - why do so many men want one?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH valued having a SAHM for our kids. Thankfully, we talked about it before we got married and were in agreement.

He has never had to worry about getting a call about a sick kid. Last minute travel is never a problem. He doesn't have to juggle his schedule to fit in doctors or dental appointments. Snow days are not stressful here- they are cause for celebration! Our house is always clean. Dinner is almost always homemade and ready when he walks in. I had everything done and the kids bathed and in pajamas so that we could eat dinner as family and relax in the evenings. We've never had to scramble to make last minute child care decisions. I've never sent a child to daycare or school sick. Family vacations are easy because we only need to work around his schedule.

All those things make life easier for all of us - my DH, me, and our kids. But above everything else, we were willing to do absolutely anything to avoid daycare or a nanny. We both felt very strongly about this and would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to a lower COL area before resorting to daycare.

We all have different values. Leaving our children in the care of someone other than a parent for 40+ hours a week in those first few years was not something either of us was comfortable with. No amount of extra income would have been worth it.

I went back to work when our kids were older. I am so glad I was home in those earlier years. We've been married close to 30 years.  It's amazing what that kind of perpective does. Money was tight in those early years, but I wouldn't change a thing. [/quote]

My H would have hated never taking kids to the doctors, he really valued being a part of that.
My H loves snow days, are you serious that your H has never taken a snow day off to spend the day with the kids?
He never gave your kids a bath? Never read books to them before bed?
We have somebody clean our house and our kids are at school all day so it does not really get too dirty.

Let me guess he never "HAD TO" coach a sport, help with a play, volunteer in the classroom, go on a field trip, help with homework, get to know your children.

No nanny or daycare? Do you also home school?

Maybe life is "easier" but is not spending time with your kids and being fully a part of their life "better"?

We definitely have "different values".[/quote]

Surely you are smart enough to see the point. Of course my DH took kids to the doctor.  He loved snows days!  He's a Fed so he usually gets the day off as well.  But because I am home, he has never HAD to miss a meeting or call in sick.  Because I am home, his last minute travel is never an issue.

If you can't see how having a parent at home makes like easier, I don't know what else to say. I've often joked that I would have returned to work earlier had I had a SAH wife.  Our life is and always has been fairly simple. We don't rush around from activity to activity. We enjoy a much, much slower paced life even when we are in DC.  That hamster wheel so many people are on holds no value to us. [/quote]

I don't see that your life is easier. Maybe my level of comfort for a last minute change is higher than yours. I don't see the value in you sitting at home all day while the kids are at school because you are unorganized or unable to handle last minute changes or your husband is not involved in the kids lives.

Surely you are smart enough to see the point. Of course my DH is closer to our kids than yours, he put kids/family before work/travel. It was quite easy to put others before himself. Maybe me working made that life sytle possible.[/quote]

NP.  Just to be clear, you don't think having a person dedicated to handling domestic affairs makes the handling of domestic affairs easier for that family?

You have 168 hours in any given week that you can allocate in any way you wish. If you're working 8 hours a day + 1 hour lunch, your already taking about 25% of you time. Assuming your spouse has the same schedule, the percentage is the same. For comparison, the SAHM's traveling husband would have to be working 85 hours a week every single week just to match the time you and your husband likely allocate to paid work.

In reality, the husband probably works 60ish hours a week on the high end and his family already has 25+ more hours in a week to devote to non-paid work activities. And you can't see how they would have it easier?[/quote]

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