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[quote=Anonymous]Some people who cheat are driven to do so when they otherwise never would because of the desperation they feel at being so cut off and pushed away by their spouse. I think it's easy to say on your wedding day or in good patches "I would NEVER cheat, it's despicable" and then quite another when you have endured years of a spouse telling you they're not interested in sex. It warps your thinking and pushes you to do something you might otherwise never have done or would previously have found abhorrent.

Men and women alike try to push through for their kids, but you can only go without affection and kindness for so long. If your spouse is not providing that, and is actively shutting down every attempt you make at connection, you are going to become desperate and do some things you never though you would. Including affairs. And sorry, for the spouses who put their partners through that wringer, nope, I don't feel sorry for you when you find out that after 2-3 years of you forcing celibacy upon your spouse, they moved on and found a way to deal. I feel actually not one bit of sympathy.

The reason spouses who deny their partners sex get angry when they find out their partner got it somewhere else is because suddenly the peaceful equilibrium that was working for them is in jeopardy. If the spouse is getting sex somewhere else, and they are happier, it's only a matter of time before they realize "I don't have to live in misery for the rest of my life." The spouse who cut off sex but still had a full-time parenting partner and someone to help out around the house and provide financial support suddenly finds out they might lose that because their spouse no longer feels responsible to hold up THOSE ends of the marriage bargain when the other partner has decided they will no longer be living up to theirs. And THAT'S why they get pissed. Suddenly they have to either change their act and be a loving spouse, or lose all the benefits they had in their dutiful spouse.

If OP decides her husband's fragile psyche can't handle divorce and chooses to have an affair, good for her and I don't feel the least bit sorry for the husband. Nor do I feel sorry for any wife who tells her husband sex and affection are off the table and expects him to happily do the dishes and bring in a paycheck and handle bedtime for the kids. Sooner or later, your spouse is going to wake up and realize they can be happier without you and that's your fault and a consequence of YOUR choices.[/quote]

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