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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]It's not that "touching someone else to fill a need" is the problem. It's the willful, deliberate, calculated breach of trust that ruins a relationship[/quote]

when you get married, there is the marital contract/trust that part of being married is maintaining physical and emotional intimacy.  So if one spouse unilaterally decides that this part of the relationship is over, why is that not a willful, deliberate, calculated breach of trust? "I am going to stay married and use my spouse for all the financial and other kinds of supper s/he offers,  but I am going to renege on part of the deal, in the knowledge that I can make it very painful for the spouse to leave and place all the blame on them. This is not to say that all partners who cheat do so because they have experienced a breach of trust, but that is sometimes the case.

Cheating is about as justified/unjustified as regularly denying your partner affection. I really dont see why one is sorta kinda excusable but the other is an immediate dealbreaker? [/quote]

Honestly, I was very black or white on cheating until I was cheated on and then, suddenly it didn't seem as simple as that. There was no lack of intimacy in our marriage but there were other issues that I honestly ignored because, we had 80 percent, so the 20 percent didn't matter IMO, except, it very much mattered to my husband.

Was it hurtful that he cheated? Hell yes. Trust broken, betrayal -- all that. Was it right? No. [b]But after going through that, I am always kind sad for some of the people here who think that people are not going to do stupid things when they feel cornered and caged because of lack of intimacy and they had tried to change or discuss or seek counseling or do all of those things[/b]. I mean they have programs for people to go hug babies at hospitals because touch is a NEED and for the person you love to just snatch it away and say "gone forever, deal" seems like a recipe for what is happening all over the place -- people stepping out on their spouses. [/quote]

The reality is that marriage and monogamy are damn difficult.  We let our guard down when we are intimate with someone else.  When that person betrays us it unleashes every insecurity possible.  I do not think that every cheater is evil.  I do not think that every cheating circumstance should mean the end of a marriage.  I think a good person can make a mistake.  Does that mean the entire relationship should be judged on an incident?

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