Reply to New baby and in-laws (venting)

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[quote=Anonymous]I get it OP.  I really do.  I have posted about my MIL before.  When I was pregnant, my MIL was badgering and pushing and being a complete pita about being in the delivery room with us.  She was whining and bitching and moaning about how it wasn't fair that my mother would get to be there.  My mother wasn't going to be there.  We decided that just my husband and I would be there for delivery, a decision my mother accepted without question.  When I told my MIL that my mom would not be in the delivery room, she didn't miss a beat and kept right on whining, bitching, and simpering about how she needed to be there.  I literally put my sandwich down at lunch, looked her in the face and said, "I get to say who sees my vagina and you aren't on that list."

With a beginning like that, you can imagine how things went after her only grandchild was born.  She spent years trying to cut my family out of our lives and make it so that we only spent time with her.  I told her off over a holiday meal in public about 10 years ago.  Best thing I ever did.  She is far more respectful and easier to deal with now.  If you need to set boundaries, set them.

Call her up.  "Hi, Ethel.  Would love to have you come over on Sunday.  How does noon sound?  Great!  Bring lunch with you for all of us.  You can hold the baby while I eat my lunch and then you and FIL and husband can clean up from lunch while I feed and change baby.  Once baby is all settled, you can have her back and I am going to take a nice shower and get some sleep.  Husband will show you the door at 4pm so we can have some family time before he goes back to work on Monday.  Looking forward to it!"

And if she doesn't get a clue and follow your plan, when she pushes for more visits you just say, "Gee Ethel.  Last time we talked, I was pretty clear about what help I needed and you had loads of time with baby.  If that doesn't work for you, we'll have to wait until we are on a more manageable schedule for more visits."

And if she texts you about doctor visits, daycare, or any other parenting decision or choice that you haven't asked for input on, ignore, ignore, ignore.  If you choose to respond, neutral non answers are best.

"How did the doctor visit go?  Is everything ok?  Did you get all the shots?  What shots did you get?  Is the baby gaining weight?  Are you feeding the baby enough?"

"Everything is great, Ethel!"

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