Reply to Elite privates and social dynamics for a fat mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't worry, you can dis the skinny moms after their husbands divorce them and they lose their social standing.[/quote]

Do the divorced SAHMs who lose their social standing take their lunch boxes and sit on park benches like laid off Japanese workers?[/quote]

I really think this post was started by a troll and the above comment if proof of the baitig going on here.

A few reality checks:

1) Washington DC has one of the highest rates of higher educational degrees per capita ( masters, PhD ) Not too many SAHM in my DC's Big 3, but conversely, we sure do have a lot of women who are Harvard law and full partner at top draw international law firms, serve in POTUS' cabinet, or perhaps just your average surgeon, journalist , etc.. Some of these women might also be very athletic and , as a result , be in great shape. They might also be beautiful, but that is not their  doing, is it.

2) VERY few women I know in this town derive their social standing from their husbands. In fact, I can't count one . Actually, most couples I know they met at law school . As a matter of fact, no fewer than 6 parents out of 70 some at DC private met at Harvard Law school ( where both were attending law school)

So, my guess is the troll lives outside the Beltway , has no professional women friends and is very unhappy[/quote]

Your post makes very little sense to men.  Neither 1) nor 2) has any logical relationship to whether a woman might be treated differently in a specific community because she's overweight.  FWIW, I don't like seeing people make assumptions about other women based in the fact that they're skinny or blond, either.  I'd like to see more compassion and less judgment, but I've been on DCUM long enough to know that along with some very nice people, it's full of those who delight in hurtful snarks.  
[b]
I am OP, BTW, and I'm not a troll.  I don't live outside the beltway.  I have two degrees from HYP schools.  I did meet my husband at the HYP where I received my advanced degree.  He is of normal weight and in IMHO quite handsome. We're still very much in love.  I have many friends -- some professional, some SAHMs -- outside the private school my DC attends.  I'm generally a pretty happy person. [/b]

Thanks to all who offered kind advice and insights.  This is not our first private school; we have two children in other privates. We have donated, volunteered, been active in classroom events.  I notice other new moms in DC's class being welcomed in a way I have not.  I'm a friendly, outgoing person, so I've been puzzled more than anything else.  It's true that everyone has more in common with some people than others.  However, at the other two schools, the communities seemed more welcoming and open.

The one mom who has been friendly (and is overweight herself) has been at the school for a while, and I notice she is treated in a similar way.  She's a lovely person with a great sense of humor.  The other moms are polite to her, but she's also not included in the mom get-togethers, and her child also seems to have few play dates.  That's what made me begin to wonder if weight/appearances might be a factor.   I also noticed that some of same moms who are polite and distant with me have little difficulty chatting up my husband!  He commented on that himself, wondering why a couple of women he's seen be almost rude to me were very friendly with him.

One caveat is that I don't know many moms outside DC's classroom, so perhaps what I perceive to be cliquishness is particular to a small group of moms.

I appreciate the advice to focus on DC's happiness.  Of course we plan to, but I do wonder whether the fact that DC has fewer play dates than DC's siblings will bother DC after a while.  So far, it's not been noticed.  We plan on staying at the school for now and seeing how the social situation evolves for DC.

[/quote]

There are definitely 100% pockets of this behavior in DC.  Not in every school or in every grade or class in every school.  But it exists.  
We were in a preschool like this---other moms would look through me like I didn't exist despite being introduced to me 10 times.  I'd smile and say hello and get nothing in return and yet our 3 year olds played together happily for 4 hours a day.   Meanwhile
the other moms were air-kissing and fawning all over each other.

We left that school and have never experienced that culture again.  I have friends at that school and they've had mixed experiences---some classes are great, others have more of that toxic snobbery. 
We've since moved on to several other school (preschool and elementary--I have 3 kids) and have never experienced it again.  We've met life long friends at our current elementary--families we vacation with, spend holidays with etc.

Those who are saying that this stuff doesn't exist in the DC private preschool/elementary school world are just wrong and mean themselves.  It would be quite possible to never encounter it (by luck of who is in your school or your child's class) but it does happen. [/quote]

Well, thanks for proving my point, OP. So if you are such a happy and content person why on earth did you feel the need to start this thread. Honestly, I think this is all in your head. If you were to pass me at DC's school in the hallway, from what you have written at least, you would assume that because I am physically fit and blonde , that I am shallow because I have never sought you out as a friend.

Meanwhile , I work two jobs, am a single parent and most times if I am not talking to someone I am trying to figure out how to get my retaining wall fixed, what kind of new furnace I need to buy, how can i get my groceries AND make it to the bank AND get DC  home to study for two tests tomorrow.

Truly, truly I am not passing you by with only a casual smile or " superficial hello" because you are over weight. It is simply because I am BUSY and pre-occupied and I assure NOT thinking at all about my blonde hair, whcih I was born with or my figure which I am genetically disposed to have without much effort.

Is it my fault you seem to deeply resent me when you don't even know me just based on my physical appearance and the fact that I have not sought out your friendship.

Get a grip ![/quote]

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