Reply to Wife nearly died. Angry with underwhelming response from her family

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I just want to say how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this crisis, and that your in-laws are so horrible.  What they're doing is truly unforgivable, IMO.  Our kids are two and four now, and I can't imagine essentially single parenting them a year ago while also grappling with a very ill spouse.  I think reaching out to your true family, as PPs have described, will be good.  If you were my neighbor, I would gladly bring food, have your kids come by, etc.

I also think that in terms of managing your in-laws, you get to decide what you want to do.  If that means sending them regular updates, fine.  I'd have no expectation of help from them, but if it still feels worth it to you to let them know, then go for it.  I would absolutely offer them no apology as far as the holidays or your availability, but would be very clear about what's going on, and what your limits are.  Get through each day at a time.  You can do it.  I'm glad your sister is here to help.  Also take good care of yourself as much as you can.  I've been providing a lot of care to my mother this year through cancer treatment, with a local sibling who is utterly useless, and it's hard not to get resentful.  I do what I can for my mom, but I've also learned to clearly ask for help when I need it and say no when I have to.  I know your situation is different, but still think that self-care, in as much as it's possible, is important.  Hang in there and good luck.  I'll be pulling for you and your family (minus the in-laws).[/quote]

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