Reply to Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?

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Reply to "Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oftentimes, everyone does feel shortchanged.  This is just the fact of the matter in "blended" or not-so-blended families.  Nobody in my family is happy with how things turned out, so why should my stepmother expect us all to change to accommodate her wishes?  Let her be equally as frustrated and unsatisfied as the rest of us.  Nobody made her marry a man with kids and an ex.

What sometimes happens is that the dad just has more on his plate than he can handle.  This was true of one man I dated, and we had to break up because he just could not manage it.  Old wife, new wife, old kids, new kids, earning enough, spending time adequately-- financially, emotionally, and logistically the dad has bitten off more than he can chew, and cannot reconcile the competing demands.  [b]This leads to making promises he can't keep, failing to do an adequate job at any one of the many responsibilities, and a lot of stress.[/b]  The new wife feels like she isn't a priority, but so does everyone else.  It's his fault, and the new wife's, for being unrealistic about what life is like as a blended family.  The poor kids have no choice, they are just dragged along for the ride.[/quote]

This is key. I think a lot of men promise or present situations in a way to try to make everyone happy. In doing so, and not being totally honest, they often let everyone down.[/quote]

+1.  The flailing dad in the original thread, who promised to pay for the homecoming dresses without asking his new wife, is a great example of what happens when the dad is overwhelmed.

Also, the new wife blaming the situation on the ex-wife, when really it's her husband's fault for committing funds without asking his new wife, is textbook new wife.  She needs to believe her husband is perfect, so all problems must be blamed on the stepkids or the old wife.[/quote]

This, exactly.[/quote]

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