Reply to No Respect for DH, and falling out of love.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To OP, I think more women are in the same position as you than you realize. My DH is very similar, and I was very frustrated. I do all the planing and decision making - housing, kid activities, medical, investments, bills, vacations. It gets old, but it's better than being divorced and having to deal with him anyway.

We also tried counseling, it wasn't that helpful. I find better therapy talking with my successful friends and listening to how they deal with things. I've found my friends who are the happiest have comes to terms with who they married and their role in the marriage. One of my happiest friends does all planing, but she said her husband just isn't a good planner - and she accepts that.  I've followed her lead in some respects. I also didn't respect DH for a long time, but I realized I was trying to make him be like me. He will never be able to do all that I do. He just isn't capable. I've accepted that. You'll need to accept that as well if you want your relationship to work.

I also have found a few areas where he will do things. One is the kids medical appointments. I still schedule them, but he will take them and keep track of the immunizations. He also is good at day to day mundane tasks. He does almost all the laundry. I take what I can get.

Lastly, when DH complains, I walk away. He has a right to his feelings, but I don't need to live them with him. Sometimes DH lashes out and his complaining is critiquing me or our life. I tell him it's not ok and I disengage. It's never going to be perfect, but I made a commitment to him and this marriage. You should look for ways to make things work. [/quote]

OP - I am somewhat in the same boat. We both work full time - I earn almost twice as much (same level of education). I am a doer, decisive, organized - he is not. He is passive, disorganized, not decisive. He comes by it honestly - his mother is very much like this and his father is in some respects. Anyway, I struggle with lack of respect for him. But... he is a good father. Not perfect. I handle almost all the real "care-taking" but the kids love him and he loves them back. We don't fight much, the home is peaceful, I keep my resentments to myself. Over the years I have found things he will take responsibility for and though it is no where near 50/50, I try to make peace with that.[/quote]

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