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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am in a similar position. DH went to top schools, did very well academically, and his first jobs were fairly prestigious. Over time, though, he just fell behind. In his case I believe it is a deep lack of confidence and reluctance towards self-assertion -- maybe even some unconscious ambivalence about being successful. He's also too much of a perfectionist for his own good, which really kills his efficiency. I will say that when he does complete a project it is always excellent, however.

Anyway, I spent the better part of my 30's resentful and feeling a bit ripped off about this. My solution was to go back to school and work on my own career. I now make most of the money and he's taken on more home responsibilities. Hey, it wasn't what I signed on for but it's better than sitting around feeling angry. He's a good man and a great dad. Just a lousy earner. Oh well, what can you do?[/quote]

New poster here.  I definitely relate to the OP's post and the post quoted above.

My DH went to the #1 most prestigious college in the country, and then a top-5 law school.  He did very well at both schools.

When I met him, he was working in a big law firm.  I knew he didn't want to do that for long, but he also said he'd like for me to have the opportunity to stay home with our future kids someday.  This was part of the attraction -- that he was willing to work hard and let me be with the kids.  (I am a graduate of a big public university and did well enough at a top-5 law school to get a job in big law too.)

After working in the law firm for just a few years, DH decided to move to a low-paying job in government because he thought it sounded so interesting.  Meanwhile I continued to work in big law.

After the kids were born, I went part time at the law firm and figured he's ramp up at work or switch to the private sector.  But he was enjoying where he was and was not willing to look for other jobs.  He was working long hours too.

Now we are in our mid-40s.  He's at a good agency and making the max amount ($150).  A lot of his colleagues are also graduates of very prestigious colleges.  They are all very smart and like the job for its work-life balance.

I feel like I spent my 30s hoping and praying he'd make a move to the private sector so that I could down-shift (since part time at the law firm was no picnic).  I'm now in a different job, but I still make 60% of the income.

He's a wonderful father and a pretty good husband too.  I probably would have been happier in our 30s if  I'd just accepted our situation, rather than dreaming of the jobs that were within his potential.  I felt like he was kind of throwing away his golden resume.

One thing that perhaps makes it easier to accept (compared perhaps to the OP) is that my DH did not come from family money.  His parents were of modest means and did not have the knowledge to help him apply to college.  So DH accomplished this all on his own (went to public schools K-12, got a perfect SAT, then went to the prestigious college and law school, etc).  So he was never accustomed to having a nice house and nice vacations.  He likes to live in a modest house and have modest cars (although he's come to enjoy having nice vacations.)

I still have a glimmer of hope that he'll earn more someday, which would require changing to the private sector since the federal government maxes out at $150.  I wish there were some way that would change.  But the agencies get tons of applications from high-caliber people with golden resumes.[/quote]

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