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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Anonymous wrote:

OP here - I really appreciate your thoughts. Two questions to you or anyone else with similar perspectives:

1) would the advice upstream help, i.e. doing physical things without the expectation of sex - kissing, massages, etc? Or would that make you feel even more touched out? 
2) I know that feeling of feeling restless and insomniac without sexual release. Sometimes I want to be very frank when the children go to bed and just say to my wife - "I am going to the bedroom to masturbate for 20 minutes so I can relax and actually talk to you without stewing in frustration - but I don't want you to feel the need to join." Is that type of message to crude or direct?

[b]
Look, if you think this is okay to say, your marriage is not having trouble because of LL issues. It's having trouble because you are communicating resentfully and childishly.

If you need to masturbate to act normally and not "stew", that's cool -- go take care of yourself. I don't know why you'd need to inform your wife other than to lash out in an underhanded way and emphasize that she's not pleasuring you on par with your expectations. After you masturbate, come back and give her a massage and go to sleep. Do this a few times and I'll bet the pressure will be gone and she'll start responding on her own. And when she does, you'll last a long time since you just let off some steam. This works really well for DH and me.[/b][/quote]
You are pretty clueless and it only works well for you, not your Dh. PP do not bend over backwards for this person..that means no messages or foot rubs...none of that stuff. When she tries to talk to you about the bad day she has had or wants a hug...say no you are too tired, maybe if she gave you a massage you might listen to her. At this point you are roommates raising kids together. You should tell her how you feel and what you do to cope. Do not expect her to care. [/quote]
Sucks, but true.[/quote]

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