Reply to Would you view this to be a breach of trust?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it sounds like you may have fundamental values reasons why you and your wife are incompatible in the long term, based on the further information you have provided.  You sound like you don't respect her and her views.  (I frankly wouldn't, either, but you married her.)

As a PP mentioned above, I think it is profoundly unfair, dangerous, and disrespectful to withhold critical information from both of the two women involved in this decision.  The woman who donated her organ to you deserves to know whether your wife objects to this donation.  It is clear that this information is important to her because she asked you about it even before you married.  If she is a normal person, her concern is not just whether your wife's opinion might jeopardize her access to your magic sperm.  It is because she cares about the psychological well being of the potential child who may result from your donation.

Assisted reproduction with donor gametes is psychologically complex, as is adoption.  We are only just learning the effects as children born from gamete donation become adults.  What makes sense from post-birth adoption analogies, though, is that the context of the surrender or gift of either gametes or child is important to the resulting child.  So, a backstory that the child's mother donated her organ and you donated your sperm is a beautiful thing, since her mother's body is now part of yours and then part of your body became part of her mother's and then resulted in her.  Lovely.  Full circle.  However, if the story is that your donation of gametes broke up your family, or was done in secret and therefore she can never be acknowledged, it changes the context considerably and results in a terrible psychological burden.  Your friend deserves to make an informed decision with all available information.  As does your wife.  For you to hoard the truth is deceptive, dishonest, dangerous, and damaging.  Your hubris is stunning.[/quote]

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