Reply to Would you view this to be a breach of trust?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A question that has come up repeatedly is whether my friend is aware of my wife's feelings about being a sperm donor: no, she is not aware of it and I don't feel that it would be fair to her to bring it up.

[b]It did come up when I told her that I was contemplating marriage; she asked me whether my marriage would affect my ability to be a donor. I said it would not based on what I felt was an understanding I had with my wife at the time. She knew I had made a commitment that I would honor. All she said at that time was that she hoped that my friend would change her mind. 
[/b]
The fact that her feelings have become more polarized is because of certain external influences. These influences have played on her latent bias against gays, gay marriages and gays having children.

I absolutely would not put my friend in the position of having to, in effect, bail me out several years after I made a commitment to her and reaffirming it before I got married. She is counting on me - especially now that she has a partner who is fully vested in my role as a donor.
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OP, I've really tried to be patient with you, but I'm at the end of my patience.

You are taking away from both of these women the ability to make an informed decision about this situation. They both have the right to decide if they are willing to be involved in this situation, with all the consequences associated with it. If you donate and your wife finds out and divorces you, what will you tell your friend? Will you see the child that you conceive with this woman? What if your feelings about the kid are more complicated than you anticipate? What if the child ends up with a medical condition that requires an organ donation (rare circumstances, though it did happen to you)? What if the child grows up looking exactly like you?

This is a decision that will have long reaching consequences for your family - your wife, your future children with her (if any), your family of origin, the child you conceive with your friend, etc. It is completely unfair for you to claim all the power in this situation. If you cannot see that, I don't know what to say. [b]You should've told your wife about this arrangement before you married her. You should've told your friend that your wife would have issues with the situation when you got married. Your refusal to disclose those things is unethical and disrespectful.[/b][/quote]

Not the OP but it appears he did make the appropriate disclosure to his wife before he married her and based on her response - or non-response - told his friend it would not be an issue. [/quote]

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