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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here = her name is not on the house.  Yes, DD and I have had lots of conversations with her about it (in one ear out the other).  I would absolutely love to move into a different house that is farther from the ex and her new husband.  Yes, she is manipulative and deceitful.  Yes, I knew that he had an ex.  I have an ex who is not an issue in this way.  The kids have a right to a relationship with mom.  Kids are great kids. They may experience the same boundary issues with her when they grow up.  No, I don't think just accepting it while everyone grows up sounds manageable to me.  [/quote]

PP stepmom here.  If you would love to move to a new house, what is stopping you?  Even if you can't move too much farther away, due to schooling or whatever, wouldn't it help just to make a fresh start in your own home that is new to all of you together?

(You sound great, btw, and it's clear that you are a decent person who loves her stepkids.  I wish I could think of a more productive idea than moving, especially because the ex's lack of concern for violating your boundaries clearly puts her in borderline sociopathic territory, so it's not guaranteed to work.  But there is something in all of these relationships that gets quite territorial, in my experience, in a somewhat primal way.  I'm a really rational, self-confident person who pretty much has contempt for my DH's ex, who is by most measures a pretty terrible person, and not a threat to me in any way.  But I have found myself actually physically recoiling from stuff that DH owns that are from his old marital home, like an old coffee pot.  I just don't want "her stuff" in my territory.  So maybe it can work in the opposite direction -- that if you stake your claim on new territory that is clearly yours and has never been hers, she will feel less entitled to tresspass upon it.)[/quote]

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