Reply to How to approach a friend in total denial

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[quote=Anonymous]This thread is bringing up so many very important and difficult issues. I grew up with mentally ill family members in my home and am dealing with some mental health issues in my own children. I truly understand the devastation.

Unless you have a friend of family member dealing with these problems, it's awfully hard to even fathom what life is like. There are no easy answers. I have been following along and have a just a few reactions:

The younger brother probably feels very sorry for himself and his family (for good reason). The mentally ill family member in my home growing up wreaked havoc on the household. I frequently vented to compassionate mothers of my friends.

What I wanted to hear -- and frequently did hear -- was "Your parents need to do something. He needs to live somewhere else. This is ruining your family. It's not fair to you. You need a normal life." In hindsight, some adults probably truly felt this, and others may have been just  trying to make me feel better in response to my many complaints.

I think the right thing for an adult to say to their friend's son is something more like..."Your parents are doing the best they can. It may seem like everyone else your age has a 'normal' family, but you don't know what struggles other families are going through. It's true that it's not fair to you, but coping through the situation will make you stronger. Other kids your age will have different struggles at different times in life. Focus on yourself and your future and don't waste your time thinking about how much better things would be if your brother was living somewhere else."

OP -- whatever you decide to say or not say, your friend is lucky to have you and so is her younger son. It's great that you care enough to consider what input to provide. Families in these sorts of crises tend to become very isolated and lose their friends. [/quote]

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