Reply to I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Man here,

Having been in your husband's position, I have to say that the idea of not telling him disgusts me. The only thing that bothers me more than the act, was the fact that she concealed it for so long and put on a front like everything was fine. I could understand a mistake, but I couldn't understand deliberately concealing it. I can't completely accept the explanation that she was trying to protect my feelings, because I know that a large part of it was her trying to keep what she had. Once I found out, I was hurt by the action, but I was driven to a point of anger that I've never been before solely because the only thing on my mind was how she managed to smile in my face every single day and how believable it was. I couldn't be married to someone who could lie that well. I realized that I could never trust her again. I moved out, and filed for divorce as soon as the separation requirement was met.

It's been two years and I'm still messed up in the head/heart over it. I've tried counseling and I'm getting better, but I have a long way to go. Being aware of my own feelings, I can understand why you wouldn't want to hurt someone by revealing the truth. The problem is that you have to hold this for the rest of your life, and if he EVER finds out. You're gonna do more damage than if you just told him in the beginning.

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^ excellent case for not telling 
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