Reply to How long did it take for you/your spouse to feel balance/normal after an extra marital affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]how long did it take for you to feel okay again if you or your spouse stepped out?  Did you go to counseling? If you did, how long did you stay in counseling?  Did you stay together or end up splitting?  What words of wisdom would you like to tell someone who is going through this and wants to try to stay together?  I'm interested in both parties view:  the person who stepped out and the innocent spouse.[/quote]

UH, NEVER.

Yes, we went to counseling and spent tens of thousands of dollars on that. We stayed in counseling for four years.

We are now divorced by the grace of God.

My words of wisdom are: Once a cheater, always a cheater. Unfortunately you failed. You married the wrong kind of person. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to hear, but it's the truth. I look around, and I know many of my friends are married to wonderful (though not perfect) honest, loving men. These friends chose the right person to marry. I did not. I married someone who just pretended to have these qualities.

If you want to stay together, you must know that you will never be able to trust him again. You will always wonder. You will always be scared. Also, you better have a lot of money tucked away from both individual counseling and marital counseling - and none of the good psychologists in this area take insurance.

Also google the statistics about marriage counseling.

I hope I don't sound bitter because I'm not. I'm yet to see a happily married couple who had to go to marital counseling. Though lots of people fake it! Sometimes if enough money is involved, and if you are a woman who never worked and can't support herself, I completely understand this. I just hope your kids will be okay growing up in a household without love and affection between their parents.

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Sounds like you got some pretty bad counseling. DH and I are happier than we've ever been individually and together. It's not a lie we're telling ourselves. I'm sorry it didn't work for you. I'm sorry you married the wrong man. But not all struggling marriages are doomed to failure if both partners are committed to doing the hard work. It sounds like that wasn't true in your case.[/quote]

No, I got very good counseling, but marital counseling does not work if one of the partners is not putting 100 percent into it, is not 100 percent remorseful, and has not changed their entire character.

You don't need to feel sorry for me. I am doing very well.

I believe that you married the wrong man too. Because it is nearly impossible for someone to change their character. I doubt your husband has truly done so.

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