Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Best wishes on your wedding, OP!

Your sister is the one at fault here. Unless your nephew somehow failed to communicate the tournament date with her, assuming he knew it and she did not, then I would not blame the kid.

I have a high-schooler who plays soccer for his school and a club team. For club, I would likely tell him he had to skip the tournament, even if *I* was the one who overlooked the conflict and it was no fault of the kid's. The only exception might be an important college recruiting club tournament (but that wouldn't matter so much for a high school freshman).

For the high school team, however, the situation is a bit different. Varsity players at our school are required to play in all games & tournaments unless someone in their immediate family has died. I mean, that's basically what they tell you going in. I'm not defending this policy in any way, but it's common in our area, and probably the case at most schools. If your nephew is actually *playing* in a Varsity tournament as a freshman, that IS something he might remember for the rest of his life...depending on the tournament, the caliber of his team, what's at stake, etc.

Playing Varsity as a frosh is a big deal here. But, aside from that, your nephew could be benched or cut from the team for skipping a tournament to attend a wedding (unless it was a parent re-marrying, I guess). And unless his coach retires/quits coaching, he would have issues with that coach for the next 3 years of high school, assuming the coach even let him try out for the team the following year. If the coach is a teacher, or if the kid plays other sports at the school, there could be additional ramifications.

Again, I think such policies are over-the-top in many cases, but they do exist - and can have result in lasting repercussions for the student athlete, if violated.

And, as much as he may care about you, your nephew would probably rather play in this tournament than attend your wedding. He's a 14-year-old boy. But that's beside the point. He is not at fault here and, even if he *would* rather attend your wedding, he'd probably face significant consequences for that at his school.

I'm sorry you're sad about this and I hope you can set it aside so you can fully enjoy your wedding day. Again, best wishes to you.

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