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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] OP here...in my defense, I did suggest to ds (before Christmas) that I might get a nice Kitchen Aid mixer for her, as mine and my moms also has been the workhorse of our kitchens. Plus I could order it online for them to pickup where they live. Ds informed me they had a mixer, (not a kitchenaid one). In retrospect I should have just got the nice one-but they are going to move after graduating next may and it's one more thing to move.

I guess what I'm feeling is-my MIL has given odd gifts to us for 20 years. Up to and including yesterday :) Dh and I have always smiled and said Thank You, and never even considered saying anything to her about it. So DS grew up with this example (we taught the kids the same, they got some wierd stuff but handwrote nice thank you notes to her). So what happened? In my family we just don't question others about gifts.

But I'm going to let it go and not mention it again. For safety from now on I'll just get them each the same gift.[/quote]

OP, don't get me wrong, you sound like a nice person and I think you were very nice in thinking about your DS and DIL. you made a gift and you should get a thank you note no matter what. however: in this situation the big dumb one is your son, I can't believe he told you what the wife said, he really seems to have a lot of growing up to do (every year my MIL gives me a purple sweater, a color that I hate and does not look good on me - I know she likes that color and does not mean this as a slight, although after years of gifts of the same awful color, with a pile of sweaters I never wear I wonder if she ever realized that maybe a plane black one would be better - but I always thank her and genuinely appreciate her because she is a nice person - we live far away and last year, before opening the package she had mailed, I smiled and said "I bet this is a purple sweater" - and it was.  my husband was there and laughed too and thought better than telling his mother).  Your gave your son a personal gift and your DIL a gift for the household and this was not nice. However, you gave her a gift that was reasonably nice and if she did not thank you she was rude.

I am a little puzzled of your choice of gifts for your DIL. you gave your son a gift certificate for a clothing store where he can get clothes for himself. bur for your new DIL, you got basically a gift for a dog. now you are saying that you were thinking of a kitchen mixer? why do you think that your son deserves clothing for himself, and your DIL a kitchen appliance? I am sure you meant well, but a mixer would be more a gift for both. this is not the 50's anymore where a vacuum cleaner could be considered a personal gift for a woman.   would you have given a gift certificate to a clothing store to your DIL and a new mixer to your son? [/quote]
This poster nailed it. You gave your son a personal gift and DIL a household gift. Had you given both of them household gifts - like the gift card for their joint pet or an appliance for their shared kitchen, I think no feelings would have been hurt. Instead, you differentiated and gave your son a personal gift but not one for DIL. It isn't about whether the specific gift was appropriate but whether it was kind in the context of your overall gift giving. [/quote]

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