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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OK--one more thing, if you bring a giant lasagne (or a ham or other food) you will not be a "hero" as the other poster has suggested, but you will probably be the person who is "destroying tradition." I would bring the food anyhow, because it is the common-sense thing for you to do, but do it  so you can eat, not to "be a hero." No one there will care, since you are being told to get there after they eat anyhow.[/quote]

Op here.  YES!  Thank you!  I knew that when PP suggested to bring more food that the ILs would only resent it.  They resent everything I do.  And I completely agree that you getting *away* from the situation was key.  DH has "gotten away from them" in some ways, but in many ways, not.  Although, their abuses made him achieve more than them, and they *hate* this.  Except when it benefits them, of course.

In other words, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't.  I try to look forward to  holidays, and try to make them memorable for DC.  It is difficult, when they know the ILs live so close, but are so difficult.  We can try to be nice, but it gets us nowhere, unfortunately.  Your empathy is appreciated more than you know!  [/quote]

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