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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am heading home and can answer some questions. Honestly, I have been venting and it's been helpful and some of the ideas (including the cleaner) I am going to hop on. Thank you for the constructive feedback. Obviously there are communication issues and I don't even know how to deal with them.

Our situation is really a massive change. No one thought being a SAHP was on the table in our marriage. Even with our first DW worked and like it until she ran into issues and quit. Those issues had nothing to do with childcare, but she was pregnant and was discouraged job hunting and that was that, I guess.

I waited a year after our second before broaching the subject. He'll be two in 6-9 months (and preschool eligible), so that is why I began pushing the issue until I realized it was going no where. I then started therapy because I was resentful and needed to let that go to really be fair about what our family needs. I am still working on that.

I had a great family friendly job, but we needed more money so I actually scrambled and doubled my income by taking a new job. It's a strange catch 22 because I wish I was around more and would down shift but I can't because we need the money and DE (according to come of you) won't work because I work too much so the cycle goes on...

I know I am resentful because I couldn't make this choice and wasn't given any real input on it and was forced to make the best of things. I know that. But I love my wife and want her to be happy and honestly know this isn't it, but can't be truly supportive of her until I let go of my resentment.  That is what I have been working through.

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OP, you sound like a good person underneath all the resentment.  I hope therapy can help you communicate, and I think you need to work harder to understand what it's like for her.  Job searching while pregnant is no picnic-- employers will hold it against you for not disclosing it, and it's a lot to take on a job search while working full time, having a toddler, and being pregnant and all the appointments that come with that.  Between that and the economy at the time, it is somewhat understandable that a job search would be discouraging and seem like a waste of time.  And then giving 100% at a new job, plus raising a toddler and being heavily pregnant, and then not having much of a maternity leave, pumping and work and being tired from night wakings... it is really exhausting to contemplate.  It doesn't sound like you really grasp what her job search would have been like.  I'm not trying to defend her not working at this point two years later, but it is understandable to me that she would be discouraged and overwhelmed back then, and it sounds like you don't quite put two and two together here.

As for you working too much, I understand the catch 22.  You do need a realistic plan for how it would happen, though, if she were to start working and you still had your same job.  For example, paying for a backup care service so that you have someone on call, until you are able to find something more family-friendly for yourself.  Or just interviewing a roster of babysitters so that you have a handful people who can often babysit on short notice.  If your wife is going to take on the job search, maybe you could take on responsibility for arranging this.  That would show you are able to understand things from her perspective and are trying to work as a team, not just making unrealistic demands of her.[/quote]

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