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[quote=Anonymous]The issue with "requiring" potty training is that it's illegal from an ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) point of view.  Because a child with special needs may have delayed ability to be potty trained BUT may be intellectually or socially ready to be in a preschool room, you can't REQUIRE a child to be toilet trained.  And that's true for non profit, for profit, private, and public/charter schools.  Because ADA is required for all of us (so are other ADA things like having doorknobs that are easy to open, bathrooms at a certain height and with turning radius, the list goes on).

However, many schools have kept that "must be potty trained" rule since they opened in 1901 because it used to be ok to exclude based on potty training. And then the ADA was passed and all that should have gone away but.... it didn't.

So, I'd send your son to school with 1000 pairs of underpants, pants/shorts, socks and 2 extra pairs of shoes. (no kidding, I'm being serious).  then I'd tell his teachers that he needs scheduled potty times, that he won't stop himself from an activity to go, and that he needs reminders/to be told when to go.  Any self-respecting preschool teacher of 3 and 4 yr olds knows not all kids are 300% potty trained.  So they'll have scheduled breaks every 1 to 2 hours, they'll insist all children go at various (and scheduled) times of day (before/after snack, before/after going outside, before/after nap, and the list goes on).  WHEN he wets himself, he will have to do the best he can to change, and that will be a learning experience in an of itself. Often when children really feel soggy they learn to capitulate to their body and just go to the bathroom to stay dry.

At a Montessori program there aren't multiple children competing for the same objects vs in a play based program it's possible that he feels: we're all playing in block area with trucks and if I leave the other kids will take the red truck I'm using. So once he's done doing his "work" he'll clean it up and it's a natural time to go to the bathroom. Especially if his teacher knows this about him and makes sure it gets done.

Again, though, you're going to have to be patient with the wet clothing - because he'll have a few accidents every day and over the first month or so as he works this all out.

You could try a reward system - every time he goes to the potty without an argument he gets a sticker on the chart.  Every day he comes home from school without wet clothing he gets 3 stickers on the chart - when he gets 5 stickers on the chart (however long that takes) he gets something cool he likes - a trip to a particular restaurant, a cool lego thing, or whatever rocks his particular world.  Just don't make it too impossible to get the object/activity or it will be too insurmountable to get and then there is no motivation. So perhaps it's when he gets 3 stickers he gets to do the thing/activity.  You know your son best.

Now, remember - children can't all be in diapers, but it is developmentally appropriate that by 3 yrs of age children are moving toward being fully potty trained.  Just as by 15-18 months toddlers are moving away naturally from 2 naps and consolidating to one afternoon nap. Is there an outlier 2 yr old who still needs 2 naps? Is there a 12 month old who drops their AM nap?  Sure, but toddlers bodies are ready for 1 nap.  So, too, are 3 yr olds ready to be potty trained (assuming no special needs, delays, etc.). They naturally have dry diapers for longer periods of time during the 2 yr old year, which then leads to being able to hold it and then let it go at the "right time" (in the potty), they are able to communicate that they need to go, they can get themselves on/off the potty, take down their clothing, etc.  They are also ready emotionally to take on this responsibility and eager to grow up and do so.  And then there are children who do it earlier than 2, later than 3, etc.  But believe me, in 4 months he'll be good to go, probably by mid-October he'll be good to go.  They all do it, it just takes longer for some, and much less time for others.

And also, you're right, AMA teacher: I didn't mean silent classroom, but while there is a general hum it is much quieter than the play-based preschools are - and I say that as a director of a play-based preschool and as a former teacher for 15 years at play-based programs.  We get LOUD sometimes (not always, and it shouldn't every be crazy or out of control) and Montessori expects children to be a bit quieter - but then, most are working independently so they aren't arguing/negotiating/discussing together, which gets loud no matter how many times we remind them to use their indoor voice!  :)[/quote]

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