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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks everyone I think I have all I need, and this thread keeps veering off into the strange and nasty so I'll let it end here.

I need to try to figure out a schedule for counseling and get that going, we are both willing to go so that shouldn't be a problem. I'll meet with a lawyer and then a financial advisor with and without my DH, formulate a plan for retirement and college savings, and so forth. [b]Hopefully after seeing all the numbers my DH will not be so over zealous about the spending on gifts and come back down to earth.[/b] The best advice I was given financially from colleagues was to live like a resident for at least 5 years on your new salary, they mostly say it to those with the 150-200k debt but maybe I can use to set up my emergency fund/retirement etc. 
[/quote]

OP, if it bothers you that he wants to spend this money you have to explicitly tell him.  Communicate very clearly and without drama so that he hears that it makes you uncomfortable.  You can't just hope he figures it out after sitting down with an adviser.  Frame it as having a plan and ground rules about how to deal with this money (ie, $XX each month for each of you to do as you want without questions, purchases over $x are discussed with spouse first, prioritized list of people we'd like to EVENTUALLY give gifts to, starting emergency fund/college savings/retirement etc).  If he loves you, he won't want to do these things that make you uncomfortable but it doesn't sound like he's aware it bothers you.[/quote]

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