Reply to Would You Remain Married If You Didn't Have Kids Together?

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Reply to "Would You Remain Married If You Didn't Have Kids Together?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

It's actually been studied that the "50% of marriages end in divorce" stat isn't entirely accurate. The divorce rate has been dropping since women entered the workforce and is definitely lower among people with college degrees and among those who marry later. I think it is important to understand that there are reasons besides "exciting" sex to get and stay married. Good sex is absolutely necessary for most couples, but it should not be the ONLY reason for marriage. Anyways, I'm rambling, I think that sometimes people use the "50%" statistic to rationalize divorce or unhappiness [b]instead of trying to work on the relationship[/b].[/quote]

I agree with everything you say about divorce rates, excuses, etc.  But your point about needing to work on a relationship is why I am also would probably leave DW if we didn't have kids.  Why would I want to work on my relationship with my wife, "the talk", therapy, asking for more intimacy, etc. when I could find that quite easily in a new relationship.  But for kids, when the sex/inimacy dies down in any other relationship, it's a sign that it's time to move on.  [/quote]

Well, to each his own I guess. I am PP. I think that the security and love and intimacy that you get from knowing and being with a person for so long is worth working on. I'm not saying every person should work on their marriage, because I do think there are circumstances with extreme resentment that warrant divorce or seperation, but many people are saying they wouldn't stay married just because the sex is "boring". That is totally something that can be worked on for the other benefits that I had mentioned. I think communication is so important in a relationship, and if it is maintained, you can have something truly beautiful with your spouse. I am not advocating for anyone to stay in a sexless marriage if it isn't what they want, but just leaving because "sex with the same person is boring" is sad to me, and I do think people who don't get married for that fear are going to regret it someday.[/quote]

I get what you are saying - marriage is more than just sex.  But without a healthy and mutually satisfying sex life, you aren't really a married couple - you are basically good friends who aren't providing and indeed denying your spouse the chance for a full blown romantic and sexual relationship.  Without sex, it's marriage in name only.[/quote]

PP here. Yes, that is what I am saying, and I did say in my post that sex is important! I am not in anyway denying that good sex is essential to most married couples. However, I was mostly responding to those who say "boring sex, time to leave, why should I work on this?". I think it is lazy and rather thoughtless to think you shouldn't have to work on that aspect if everything else is oging well. Working WITH your spouse and talking about how to keep you both happy can work.[/quote]

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