Reply to Conflict around family size

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - I think part of the issue is expectations about marriage - mine, my husband's, and a lot of yours -PPs.  I'm not guided by strict religious or cultural traditions, nor is my husband.  If we were strictly Catholic, e.g., we'd have those "rules" to guide us.  If we believed that marriage was about pro-creation, then we'd likely have gotten married much younger, and started a family far sooner.

What I've realized about myself, is that I married partially for companionship, but a large part of marrying for me was also about having a family - children - not just one.

That's why family size is so integral to my "relationship" to my husband.  Now if my husband were somehow unable to reproduce a second time, I wouldn't divorce him for that.  But his stance reflects a value different than mine of what our marriage is about.

[/quote]

You could have saved yourself a lot of time and aggravation.  You don't want a marriage of any kind.  You want a sperm donor.  I feel sorry for your husband.  YOU promised to love and honor him, and I don't see you making good on that.  I see a selfish and narcissistic person. Maybe you've always been this way, or maybe you have a hormone imbalance.  I don't know.  But I'm sure you are making your husband, and probably your child too, utterly miserable.  I was sympathetic to you before but these recent comments are indefensible.[/quote]

OP here - I didn't promise to honor my husband.  And we actually have a lovely family, and I love being a mother and being a wife to my husband, and that's why I'd like to include another child.

I'm not sure why it's "indefensible" to discuss marriage in terms of having children.  I actually thinks it's laughable, and sad, that expressing the desire to have children has become so taboo among the generation of well-educated, liberal 30 somethings, who are are afraid to discuss having kids in the initial stages of dating or post it on Match.com.

Having children isn't exactly like playing tennis - if your husband doesn't want to be your partner, you can find another.  But mine would be pretty pissed if I decided to procreate with another available partner.[/quote]

It is not indefensible to express a desire to have children, and I didn't say it was.  And BTW, I don't believe you....I think you did post the post I responded to.

What IS  indefensible is the attitude of "oh well, husbands come and go, but children are forever" as if husbands can simply be thrown away when they don't amuse us anymore.  That is a shallow as hell view of marriage, whether you are traditional/religious/conservative or not.  And if that's how you feel about your husband, don't think for one minute that he doesn't know it.  It's an utterly selfish view of marriage that renders you obviously incapable of sustaining one.[/quote]

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