Reply to If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?

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Reply to "If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a big difference between a couple that goes into marriage knowing full well their spouse expects them to be the sole or primary breadwinner, and the couple that winds up in the this situation unwittingly. I wouldn't see a problem with the former; the latter is a recipe for discontent in a marriage. Sure, stuff can happen -- death, disability. But thinking you were entering a partnership of earning and winding up with eveything on your back -- that's something else altogether. I don't care if the non-earner is male or female. Same issue in my book.[/quote]

You can definitely decide *together* that one spouse SAH while the other is the breadwinner.  That's what happened in my marriage.  But, I agree, that it needs to be a joint decision.  I can't imagine making a huge decision like that w/o the input and support of my spouse.[/quote]

I view a partnership as fluid.  There were no "rules" for us as far a earning potential goes.

-I had my first child and thought I wanted to go back to work. Baby came and I could not part with my baby. Though it was financially tough, my DH fully supported my desire to be at home. WE scaled back and made it work.
-I returned to work after 2 years because I felt OK leaving my child and was feeling more confident as a mother. My income quickly ramped up.
-After me working for a few years, my DHs job got miserable. THe poor man was so stressed out. He hated his job, his boss, he got backstabbed and went into a very dark place. It tore me apart to see my DH so miserable, but his sense of duty kept him going. Once day I could no longer see my DH suffer. I said FUCK THEM. Go in tomorrow and quit. Tell them you are the fuck out of there. He was shocked. He never considered quitting, he was "the man". However, my man's job was killing him.  The next Monday he rolled in and put in his 2 weeks. It was such a relief.  He took a month off from work, banged out a bunch of projects and really recharged himself. I was so proud and happy to give my DH the opportunity to walk away from his job and to carry the family for awhile while he recovered and found happiness again. He was back to work at a new 8 weeks after quitting.
-Now, I'm considering taking a "break" and starting my own business. For that my DH will have to carry the load while I get on my feet. He fully supports me.

So again, I do not see these roles are ridgid. They are fluid and we adapt as life happens.[/quote]

Love this story.  I think what makes it work is that both you and DH are willing to be fluid (some people are very rigid about certain things) and that it goes both ways.  In the cases where the spouse wife is doing everything and not by choice, the husband isn't saying, hey while I am not working let me take on doing these extra things and when I am working again we can readjust. [/quote]

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