Reply to Found 2 movie tickets on bf, should I approach him?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Found 2 movie tickets on bf, should I approach him?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Wow, I'm getting such a mix of responses. I decided to let it go but keep my guard up and eyes open. A previous poster asked to see his text at dinner, but this was a month ago so that wouldn't help and I don't want or need to be that kind of woman. He calls and text women but I know them and not a big deal at all. Ehh his room mates could have seen the movie, specially one, but I doubt the other. In my mind, I can't see ending a relationship over two movie tickets. He did get defense and say I was snooping (in his defense, there was tons of shit on his dresser) but the tickets stood out the most so that's what I saw. This is the only red flag that I see in him. Once again, no reason to make me jealous or think there is someone else. Another poster asked if he has been unavailable by text or call at other times and the answer is yes but I'm sure it's because he was napping. He brings me around his roommates, family, coworkers, friends and church. I doubt he would have another woman. Still, the story is weird as fuck.[/quote]

Yes, the story is weird as fuck.  And seriously, who naps at 7 pm on a weekend night?

I was also deeply troubled by the fact that he accused you of snooping when you saw the tickets.  Let me put it this way.  Even if he *wasn't* cheating, and those weren't his tickets, is this the response you want to your concerns?
My husband and I have tacit conventions where we would never snoop -- i'd never look at his email, or his web history or anything similar, but if I did and found something, you could be sure he'd answer me.  I have in a comparable position.

If you are going to have children with this man you need to know you can work together.  I'd go to him with this message (maybe not the kids, but spending our lives together) and see how he responds.  If he can't be forthright with you, I'd consider what all this means regardless of whether he was really cheating or not.  Marriage is not an easy road, and I say this as a married person who is very much happy.  You can't handicap yourself by marrying a jerk, even if he isn't a cheater.  Look at it this way and see how things go.  Hopefully this will bring you closer together.  If not, walk.  You are young.  Consider the number of single mothers whose husbands are major dickwads that you see on this board.  You don't want to be back here in 5 years with people asking how you didn't know at the time.[/quote]

OP here. I sleep with him and he is a horrible sleeper. He barely sleeps at night, so it's not unusual for him to take a nap on the weekends that late, at all. In all honesty, as a happy married person, what do you think I should do? Is it worth bringing it up again? Should I make it a habit to snoop around and find evidence? Yes I can see myself with this man for the rest of my life. I'm just at a lost as to what I should do right now. [/quote]

You should go with your gut.  Not with what you want to believe, but with what you really believe.  If you are having doubts, you need to have another discussion.  You need to trust each other absolutely.

I would go to him and be honest.  Say look, I am still upset about the tickets.  I am *not* accusing you of cheating or even saying I doubt you but I am hurt that you brushed off my concern and didn't take me seriously.  I need to know that we trust each other and can work out our issues.  I'd want you to come to me in the same way if you were worried about something.

See what he says.  If he is a total jerk, you need to consider this and at this point I'd take a break.
If he is considerate of your feelings in a realistic way, that's good.  But it's important to realize that he might also be *too* considerate of your feelings if you have something to hide.

You could also keep your guard up in the future.  Some important questions.  Have you met all of his friends?  His family?  Have you ever talked to his friends about him?  What was your vibe?

I don't think you are being crazy but I think you shouldn't leave vague nagging doubts at this stage.  And if you are worried about what will happen if you do bring this up again, think about it this way. If he decides to leave you for expressing your honest feelings in a non-confrontational way, or to punish you by harping about this for months on end, is this the person you want to spend your life with?  You cannot live in fear of that person.

but more generally, as I started with, you should do what your gut tells you (and maybe what your friends who know you both tell you) not what a bunch of anonymous posters tell you.  But something tells me that if you didn't have real nagging doubts, you would not have posted in the first place.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics