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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - things are much better.  I am sort of proud of myself for calling her and telling her to leave him alone. the one friend I have been confiding in said to me - good for you; that was right out of a Hallmark movie.  DH said he was humiliated by me calling her but understands now that she was a threat to me.  The article on "emotional affairs" that I sent him really resonated with him.  DH has sworn up and down that things never got physical.  I guess I do believe him.  He has apologized some more.  He cut off all contact - and says he won't even politely reply if she contacts him again.  Also, the point I made to him about - why was she allowed to call him at any time but I can't bug him by calling him on his commute home - was such a good point.  He totally got that (thanks to DCUM) and realized he should be more available to me and that he was "oversharing" with her.  Of course, I spent about 12 hours yesterday googling her and making myself crazy but I have had about 3 long discussions with dH since our 3rd counseling session and even though he did not want to, and he intially refused to talk about her anymore, he now has been answering my questions, such as "Why did you call her at 9 p.m. for 45 minutes?"  did you go out to the garage to do that?? etc etc.  So I think I have asked most of my questions.  And he has answered most of them.  My main questions were - how can I be sure you did not see her in person very often?  And why did you talk to her by phone for 45 minutes every day?  what the heck did you talk about?  I guess they talked about all sorts of stuff (mostly me but also her work problems) and he gets now that he was withdrawn and uncommunicative with me because he was so chatty with her.  this hurts but he gets it now that it was a betrayal. [/quote]

Why do you really believe DH did not screw her?   Why won't he let you read the emails?  I am sure there were tons of text messages too.  Google for a phone text message recovery program, it will retrieve deleted text messages from a phone's memory.  When he goes to sleep, attach his phone to the computer and retrieve his deleted texts.  That should be eye opening.

Finally, ask him to take a lie detector test.  They cost about $350.   The truth will set you free.[/quote]

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