Reply to WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child

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Reply to "WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] I highly doubt we'll be talking much about her birth mother
but I will not lie - she was most certainly not a good person
She has zero memory of her birth mother.  [/quote]

a)  She may or may not talk with you her birth family.  She'll be more likely to talk about it with you if you seem welcoming of the conversation.  If she doesn't feel she can talk to you about it, she might form incorrect perceptions about her birth mom or idealize her.  Talking is usually better.

b) I'd encourage you to live a bit more in the gray areas of life--can people be all "good" or "bad"?  Do people just do good/bad things or find themselves in good/bad situations?  The more compassion you can show to your child about her birth mom, the more compassion she'll be able to show to herself when she feels bad about herself or something she did.  A lot of adoptive kids feel like they were "bad" and that's why they didn't stay with their birth families.  In this case of course it sounds like there were tons of other reasons, but a little kid can still feel pretty guilty, scared, and ashamed.

c) Just because she doesn't remember her birth mom (and who knows how accurate that is) doesn't mean she won't ever be curious about her.  She might even be more curious as a result of being separated so early.  [/quote]

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