Reply to WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child

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Reply to "WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it's too bad you don't feel you can share the current name. I think it'd have been a better use of the DCUM hive mind to develop better versions of it you can use in everyday life that wouldn't get comments but would still retain a connection to the name, as that one pp did a few pages back.

I wonder if the name is really all that bad, people's comments aside (it's sort of like sharing names when you're pregnant, people feel they have a right to comment in a way they don't dare when there is an actual baby with that name in front of them). I have what is generally considered to be a stripper name, although the spelling is normal. No way my mom could have predicted what was going to happen to that particular name given where it was in the 70s, and in a thread last year about stripper names when people posted names of actual strippers, it didn't really come up. As an adult I worried about it, and maybe people judge my resume for my first name, but the "PhD" part outweighs that, know what I mean? :)  It IS a class issue and legit for you to consider it, and I think you should disregard posters who see this as black and white.

As for whether a crack whore who had a baby in prison is someone you want to say nice things about, I can see where you are coming from, but the child will feel more and more linked to her birth mother over time. My sister works with foster kids and says that what's striking to her always is that no matter how incredibly crappy a parent a kid has, the kid loves the parent. Period. Someday you will deal with your daughter who will love this parent. You will never be able to make her stop loving her own mother even if she never met her. But what else will she feel about the parent because of you? You should plan that answer out now. It would be really unfortunate if because of your signals she also hated the parent for how she gave her her start in life. That's a lot harder to deal with in combination with love than, say, pitying the parent her hard life, or forgiving her for doing the best she could with what she was given.[/quote]

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