Reply to Husband wants to move for job, I don't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again.  This is not totally out of the blue.  We've been here for 9 years and he has always said he'd love to move back to San Diego but I always kind if ignored it thinking he's a govt contractor and the work is generally here.  I know I was wrong to ignore it but I have worked hard to build us a life here and I think it's a great life.  [/quote]

Herein lies the problem. For your entire marriage he has mentioned moving to CA.  Instead of you discussing it the first few times he mentioned it, you ignored it, wow that was real mature. I would've taken your silence as agreement!  Now that its doable you are acting like a child.

I get not wanting to move, my husband wants to move too. But as soon as he brings up a place that doesn't work for me, I let him know. However, you can't relegate him to an entire career in one city because ALL of your family is there, how selfish. [/quote]
Dh here - thanks for posting this. To the OP, read this. My wife did this. And I had spent significant time pre-marriage working to ensure that my soon to be wife knew that I would not limit myself to where we currently lived, and that if we had to her Mom, a widower, could come with us. After marriage, that all changed. Her Mom didn't want to leave, my wife instead of explaining it to my MIL, told me to get over it and we never looked at opportunities. For awhile in my early career I was making 1M a year in stock option growth - could never pursue jobs at HQ or anywhere else.

Left that firm and her take was go get a job. I said I don't want a job I have a career, or I want to go on my own. My wife never let our core family be the most important. And it killed our marriage. I have come to realize exactly how selfish she was - she realizes it now - that we should have lived life. That a husband making a 1M should have a say in were to live instead of MIL living on Social security. Absolutely killed us. Waiting for kids to get older and both acknowledge we will divorce.

Put your primary family and your husband first - be the reason he is successful and he will love you all day long. He will cherish you. Box him in, constrain him so you can SAHM, trust me, one day he will look at you with disdain.[/quote]

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