Reply to I'm the step mom--do I get a vote?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think that many posters have been very hard on both you and your dear stepdaughter.  At only sixteen years of age, and with a diagnosed learning disability like ADHD, your dear stepdaughter is too young for you and your dear husband (her father) to give up on her potential.  And at sixteen, she most definitely still needs both of you to help and guide her.  I am discouraged by the previous posters who have told you to give your dear stepdaughter ultimatums, or to give up on her if she cannot attend a college at least as good as the University of Chicago.

I can tell that you would really like to help your dear stepdaughter, and though I wish that you and your dear husband had stepped in to help her when she earned her first C in 9th grade, it is still not too late.  Here is a constructive, positive plan for you based on what my husband and I did for our own dear daughter, who also has ADHD.

The first step is to talk to your dear stepdaughter.  You and your dear husband should tell her honestly that her grades are not what you expect of her, and do not reflect her intelligence or ability. Tell her that you will expect her to put forth more effort and hard work, and to earn better grades (B target), but you will also work to better support her academically and emotionally.

The second step is to schedule a meeting with all of her teachers immediately.  Discuss with her teachers and counselors your dear daughter's ADHD, inquire as to her specific issues in each class, and ask them to help you come up with a learning plan for her.  Also ask if they would each be willing to schedule some time to meet with her on a weekly basis to help her.  Perhaps she is eligible for some tutoring or special services from the school.

The next step is to obtain a tutor(s) for your dear stepdaughter in those subjects which are giving her the most trouble.  She needs to work on getting her grades up, and a tutor can greatly assist someone who falls behind or does not fully understand what they are taught in school.

Also, get your dear stepdaughter to meet with a psychologist or therapist once a week.  Emotional issues often go hand-in-hand with academic ones, and she might benefit from having someone to work on her emotional issues with her.

OP, please try these suggestions, and then have your dear husband work with his dear daughter to set specific goals for next semester (B in English), and to monitor her progress on a weekly basis.  Sometimes a child tries harder when they know the parents care about the outcome.

Good luck.   [/quote]

I like this suggestion for OP and DSD, hopefully they can work through this situation together.  I also understood OP to have responded at some point that DSD was ADHD, but I suppose that OP can best clarify that point herself.[/quote]

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