Reply to DH stole my money

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DH stole my money"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The above is true if it came to a divorce, yes.  But what OP did, by putting that money away in an account only in her name, is protect herself from being destitute and unable to retain a good attorney in a divorce should her husband decide to leave her with nothing.  She has an ATM she can hit.  Because this was a joint mortgage, and her account was apparently at the same bank as the jointly held mortgage, her husband got away with this.  I doubt it would have worked if her stash had been at another bank.  And I doubt it would work with respect to anything other than the mortgage or, possibly, a jointly held credit card.  It would not be legal for her husband, during the marriage, to just start writing checks from an account only in her name, and no utility company or other business would just access her funds on his say-so.

Personally, I don't have much problem with what OP did, and I am not a SAHM.  The work she does at home is work which is worth money.  It is not clear that her husband was allowing her access to marital funds, or to what extent.  I didn't see any reference to their having a joint account.  All of the money her husband brings in is marital.  And so, over time, she skimmed bits of it from the budget, and put it away in her name -- just in case.  Sure, it would be better if these two were more open and honest about their finances and had a joint account and everything was like a hallmark card.  But it obviously isn't, so OP played the cards she had been dealt to the best of her ability.  I don't share in everyone's condemnation of OP.

[b]OP, my advice is to take your emergency account TO ANOTHER BANK.  Do not tell him or anyone which one you choose.  Or give it to a family member, a close friend -- anyone you absolutely trust.  Or, buy a small, fire-proof safe deposit box, put the cash there, and hide it somewhere he would never look.  No, it won't earn interest.  But, using any of the above strategies, you won't be forced to make any more mortgage payments, either.[/b]

What is up with people on DCUM.  Why isn't anyone asking why this GAINFULLY EMPLOYED MAN couldn't pay the mortgage?  Isn't that part of the deal?  She works at home, keeps it clean, takes care of the kids, puts dinner on the table.  He pays the mortgage.

Stop dumping on OP.[/quote]

Terrible, obnoxious advice. Imagine if DH had secret accounts somewhere and how you'd react.[/quote]

Agreed.  It sounds like the husband does pay the mortgage and other bills, but OP says the family's funds are tapped out right now because of some expensive house repairs recently.  In that circumstance, the options are to not pay the mortgage or to pay it from the savings account that is titled under OP's name.  The fact that OP would even question this is stunning and demonstrates the extent to which she has become a child-like dependent rather than a partner in this marriage.  Even if she thinks of that account as her pay for being a SAHM, she should be willing to spend it as needed to get the family through a cash-flow crisis because that is what married adults who earn money do.  They spend down their emergency savings--reluctantly, of course--when there is a family emergency like a sudden inability to pay the mortgage due to unexpected home repairs.

Moving the OP's account to another bank would be a huge betrayal of trust that can only be described as a theft of marital assets.  I agree with other posters that she should have an emergency fund in her own name that is accessible only by her, but this needs to be discussed with and agreed to by DH.  And even then, OP needs to be prepared to tap into that personal fund in a crisis.  Skimming off the top of the household expense budget and then refusing to spend that money even in a family emergency is wrong on every level.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics