Reply to DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult

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Reply to "DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP,
If you want to salvage what you can, you have to seriously tell your wife that your marriage is in trouble, and establish ground rules. Her backing out of choosing a country is really immature and silly, but [b]points to a rejection of your lifestyle [/b]that you have to consider. In other words, overlook her methods for a minute to actually look at her motivations - this is not a happy woman! I suggest you do something about that. Therapy? Meds for depression, if that is it for her? Eventually, a career change for you? When are you definitely coming back to a stable position in the US?

You've been putting your head in the sand for years. Do something.[/quote]

Why isn't it our lifestyle?  I was doing this when DW met me.  Did she think I would quit?  If so, that has never been an expressed or realistic expectation.  I am 10 years out from earliest retirement age - 55 - and still have one DD to get through college.  In fact, I am really thinking when DD hits college I will need to go to some real sh**tholes just for the money - both to pay for college and to double up on retirement savings.

In our career with the FS, I don't think there is any place we have been that is truly bad.  In 17 years of service, we have been to Russia, Ukraine, Ethiopia, Kenya and Korea.  Kenya, IMHO, was the best place from lifestyle, education and work standpoint, but I left that to pursue other opportunities in Korea.  As I am a fluent Russian speaker, my value added is in Russia or one of the FSU countries.  She once asked me, "Why didn't you study French? Then we could be in Paris or Brussels?"  Or Ouagadougou or Bangui or Dakar?  :) Plus as an undergrad choosing a language to study really was dictated by what was in demand at the time, and frankly French and Spanish speakers are a dime a dozen.  Speakers of harder languages - Asian, African or Slavic - are not.

She's ahd it with you regardless of how exciting you think you and your lifestyle are.

Realistically, perhaps the road to Paris or Brussels, in the end, comes through Kabul.  [/quote][/quote]

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