Reply to Wives of physicians--dealing with loneliness

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a doctor dh that works 80+ hours as well.  It's been mostly like that for the past 10 years.  Although in residency it was more like 100 hours/week.  It can be very lonely.  We moved far away for his 6 years of residency and  2 years of fellowship and the best job (hours and benefits) he got is here which is not near my family.

It's good you have your hobbies, you need them.

And it's nice that you at least have some interaction with coworkers.  I was a SAHM for most of our years and caring for 2 little ones plus having a dh in residency royally sucked.

It's difficult for many to understand as some think being a doctor's wife is something glamorous.. it's not.   You have to be able to burden the majority of household responsibility always, be able to cope with multiple moves far from family, and understand that you will be alone most of the time even if your dh is physically home. This is always the worst for me.  I can deal with being alone when there is no one here but feeling alone even when dh is here is hard to handle.

If your kid is sick he can't leave his patients to pick them up from school and even though I work now, I have to be the one that is flexible and ready to quit my job if need be.  They are exhausted from their jobs not because they are physically strenuous but because it can be emotionally draining to care for so many patients and the stacks of paperwork.

(Now if you marry a doc after he's already done with med school, residency, etc and he is already well established this might be a different story.  Don't know, haven't experienced that.  All the other doc wives I know have been with their Dh's since med school or residency.)

Since you like gardening maybe join a gardening club.  There are several in NoVa.  Do you have any neighbors you can chat with?  You said you and your dh received some invites from his colleagues when you first moved here, did you reciprocate?  Invite some people over for dinner.  Either his colleagues or yours.  Or a neighbor.

I'm not a very outgoing person so it was always hard for me to do all lot of entertaining, but really it's the best way to make and keep friends.  Your going to have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable.  It really is like switching high schools and trying to make new friends.  You'll click with some and won't with others but just keep trying until you have at least 1 good friend.

GL.

Hi, OP here.  Thanks for your empathic post.  I really appreciate it.  I actually don't know any other doctor's wives.  Most of DH's colleagues are female.  I hesitate about the inviting my colleagues over for dinner idea because I feel that my colleagues have zero interest in getting to know me, and since I have a small office if the dinner didn't go well or they never reciprocated I would feel bad and would have to see them everyday.  So I've hesistated about extending any invites to my colleagues.

Re: the neighbors, that has been challenging, because none of our neighbors introduced themselves to us when we moved in, and now I feel like it would just be awkward since we've lived here a few years already.  We're not the same demographic as everyone else in the neighborhood.  Everyone else is families with kids in high school or college.  We're a married couple without kids.  I feel shunned by the neighbors, as they don't wave or pretend they don't see us when we're out doing yardwork or whatever.  Not the friendliest bunch.

Anyhow, would you like to chat by email?

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