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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have four adult daughters.  Three are married.  I will offer two comments to previous posters based on our experience.

1.  It’s true that teen girls and sometimes adult daughters sometimes clash with their mothers in a way that boys don’t.  We did with a couple of ours.  But it’s typically temporary so long as the mother is a reasonably decent parent.  A girl grows up and realizes that at times she was a PITA and that her mother did her best.

2.  We see way, way more of our daughters and our grandchildren than their husbands’ families do.  The husbands all get along with their families just fine but adult men just don’t make the same effort to see their families that women do.

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It’s because when women give birth they tend to cling to their mothers for advice not  their mother in laws. I feel bad for boy moms. They won’t spend nearly as much time with their grandkids as girl moms  [/quote]

I had zero interest in advice from either my mom (who was not a particularly nurturing mother when I was young and also is incapable of giving advice without being condescending and rude) or my MIL when I had a baby. I mostly looked to friends, books, or paid resources. I learned more about parenting from childcare workers than from my parents or ILs for sure.

My MIL sees our kids more than my parents do, because we live closer. We live closer because my MIL lives within 2 hours of a major metropolitan area with an actual airport, and my parents decided to move to the middle of nowhere and it takes two days of travel including an expensive flight and hours of driving to visit them. Also neither my parents nor my MIL is willing to travel to us more than once every 3-4 years.

People who think your relationship with your adult kids will be dictated by their gender are overlooking the myriad of ways that you can influence that relationship with your own actions. You're the parent. Create a healthy relationship with all your kids, and figure out how to retain some closeness as your kids transition to adulthood (well before they've met a spouse or have kids -- most people have years to figure out how to relate to adult kids before a spouse enters the picture). If you want to see your adult kids and grandkids, arrange your life to prioritize them. If you instead prioritize your lifelong dream of living on the shore of a remote mountain lake, congrats on fulfilling that dream but don't be surprised when it means your grandkids barely know who you are because visiting you is a massive burden that requires a minimum of a week off school and work and thousands of dollars.

When I think about this and then hear people saying "oh if you have boys, you'll never see your grandkids," I roll my eyes all the way back in my head. Not if you actually put some effort in. Stop expecting everyone else to arrange your entire life for you and do the work.[/quote]

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