Reply to Sister asked if I would donate my eggs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh, that sucks that she directly asked, OP. (It feels like a violation of a normal sibling relationship). I’m sorry, but no matter how you respond I think the relationship is now going to be awkward at best for at least a while.[/quote]

How else would you propose asking? Through other family members? Like please, just be normal. My sister had a prior stillbirth and asked me to be a surrogate for her. I told her I knew I couldn't emotionally do it, and she completely accepted the response and never asked again. IT'S FINE. There's nothing wrong with asking. There's something wrong with pressuring and refusing to take no for an answer.  [/quote]

I’d propose they don’t ask. Assuming the fertility struggles aren’t a secret, I will offer if I’m willing. If I don’t speak up, I’m clearly not interested, you asking me just puts me in a really uncomfortable position.[/quote]

Why would you assume that someone wants you to donate your eggs? Seems presumptuous. Also seems weirdly immature to demand the sister tiptoe around the issue to hint at it.

[b]It’s fine to ask[/b]. The ask should make clear that a “no” is totally acceptable answer. If the person asked feels so violated by the inquiry, I think that person should consider therapy. [/quote]

No. [/quote]

DP, but Yes, it is okay to ask (with zero expectation of a yes).

Do you feel the same way about organ donation? Must everyone put themselves in a mindset where it’s not okay to ever ask family to do anything? All help MUST come from strangers?[/quote]

DP. I do. I think that you can express to family members your problem. But asking somebody in your family to donate a liver after you've explained that you need a liver, and they did not offer, is narcissistic and selfish. They had a chance to offer and chose not to do so; to pursue it further is terrible behavior.[/quote]

Even if OP already knew sister specifically needed donor eggs (which is not a given), unlike with organs, there are many different options for obtaining donor eggs. There isn't really a shortage of donor eggs, unlike organs. So it's not reasonable to presume that OP just knows that sister wants her eggs. I need donor sperm and am not asking family members because the concept makes me uncomfortable, and I decided I'd prefer a bank. It would be presumptuous for a male relative to just unsolicitedly offer me his sperm.

But, in any case, no it's not wrong for someone who needs an organ to ask family members if they'd be willing to be tested. Family members who don't want to give some or all of an organ are free to decline. [/quote]

DP. I don't understand why it would be okay for a female close relative to offer an egg but presumptuous for a sincere close male relative to offer sperm. [/quote]

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