Reply to How to Deal with an Angry Sibling re: Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having been in this situation I can tell you that[b] your brother doesn’t want[/b] 1) suggestions and 2) t[b]he added burden of telling you what to do and when/how to do it.[/b] If in fact you want to be helpful then it’s relatively simple.  Rather than looking at it as helping your parents look at it as helping your brother, [b]ask him what he needs, give him your dates of visits and travel well in advance and ask if those dates work (allows him the opportunity to plan to be away)[/b] take on one aspect of care that you do completely. Identify what needs doing and just do it, take the initiative to lighten the burden of responsibility (it can be as simple as dealing with the logistics of maintaining their household and ensuring their bills are paid to identifying specialists, arranging prescription delivery, setting up grocery delivery) Do not raise an issue without also having the intention of resolving that same issue.  [/quote]

Good lord.  In one sentence, you say that the brother doesn't want the burden of telling OP what to do, and in the very next sentence you recommend asking him what he needs.  Make up your mind.

I find the complaints of the "added burden of telling OP what to do" to be ridiculous, frankly.  Like it or not, the brother is the primary caretaker.  OF COURSE the primary caretaker is going to have to keep others informed, particularly if he wants (insists on) their help?  How could it be any different?  [/quote]

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