Reply to How to Deal with an Angry Sibling re: Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, imagine your day and everything you have to do for yourself, your spouse and your children, add in a full time job and now add managing a whole separate household and the care for two parents who are clearly in need of extensive medical care in two separate facilities. You can’t understand why they might resent your absence and lack of involvement? You say your parents were abusive, how? If you think calling people up and offering your opinion but not actually doing anything about it I have to agree with your parents and brother, it brings nothing to the table.[/quote]

Take all of that on the brother's plate then add in OP calling and wanting a run down, second guessing, wanting to do things a different way, and you can see why the brother is irritated because nobody has time for that.[/quote]

This may be true but brother doesn't then get to complain about OP not doing enough. It sounds like she visits 3-4 times a year (which honestly is not bad) and handles some items remotely that can be handled that way.  What exactly is she supposed to do if brother is hostile towards her and won't communicate about his needs.  Even if OP is contributing to this dyanmic, anyone would bristle at being told to get their ass up there.  Sounds like there are no good answers here.
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I think they need to divide tasks and leave each other alone on how they do it. OP should tell her brother how many days she has available to visit and work with him to come when it would be most useful to him.[/quote]

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