Reply to How to Deal with an Angry Sibling re: Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous]I have a dad who is a pretty terrible person. None of his kids will help him much — he has plenty of money to figure it out. If one of my sisters suddenly decided to martyr herself to take care of him, I would likely do nothing.

But my sisters and I can be real with each other that this man was terrible and we are focused on our own families. We aren’t abusive to each other.

Your brother’s question isn’t wrong — are you in or out? It sounds like you need to tell him that you are out because you cannot deal with hands on helping someone who was abusive to you. You have done as much as you can by setting them up with third party help. If he wants to do less for your parents, that is fine with you. If he then verbally abuses you, you block him.

What you cannot do is have it both ways. You can’t pretend you want to help when you really don’t want to do anymore. That has to be driving him batty (even if he is a terrible person as well). And stop asking for updates on these terrible people. I can go weeks without really thinking about my dad — just like he seems to forget he has children or grandchildren.[/quote]

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