Reply to No sex drive and dh and I argue over it constantly!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wish there were a way that we could all sort ourselves from the beginning for compatibility here. Menopause has made me so horny and my DH would rather not.

Actually, I wish marriage and sex didn’t have to be so connected. I wish it were ok for OP (or my DH!) to actually tell her husband that she knows he won’t leave her, so go take care of it elsewhere. I think mine would if it were societally acceptable. [/quote]

[b]Strangely most marriages seem to have one spouse interested and the other not. [/b]I am going through menopause and don’t have any interest and pretty much avoiding sex last few months whereas I know friends who are interested in sex but their husbands are the ones going through menopause haha. 6 months back  it would have been unimaginable DH wandering out in marriage but today I think it’s ok. If you need so much and I can’t give you, then you get it from someone else. [/quote]

I think there is a connection and this isn't purely a case of bad luck. My theory is that mismatched libidos tend to push the other spouse's libido in the opposite direction. If you want more than you can get, you become more focused on the unmet need which makes you want it more and your need makes your spouse want it less. Or, if you want less than your spouse, the pressure to do it more makes it even less enjoyable, etc. Eventually what was maybe a relatively small libido mismatch becomes a large one. [/quote]

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